“Okay.” I let her keep my arm under, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see all the blood. I didn’t like blood. I hated it. I opened my eyes, and when I did, she didn’t make me see the cut anymore. She’d placed the hose down, her bandana in her hands.
She tied it, right around my arm and the cut. She didn’t care if I got blood on it for some reason. I’d care.
After she finished, she looked really proud of the job she did, and it was a good job. It didn’t hurt anymore. Not even my face that had burned so bad.
“I’m Paige,” she said, putting out a hand.
I took it, smiling too. “I’m Royal, Royal Prinze.”
Four
December - Present
Dad worked most of the trip from the Midwest to LA, falling back into old habits very quickly. He did the same thing after Mom died, on the phone or on the computer. His laptop had been completely secured to his lap in the first-class seats he provided for him and me, and I wished to God Rosanna had been able to come. She’d wanted to, grieving just as much as I was, but she had a family she went back to nightly. They needed her, regardless that Dad had offered to pay her way down with us. With her in Maywood Heights, she’d be caring for my dad’s house as well as Hershey. A puppy along for this ride was just one more thing I’d have to juggle along with my emotions. Rosanna promised to FaceTime with me daily so I would at least see her and Hershey. Without Rosanna, that left my dad and me at the mercy of each other, something he completely avoided the entirety of our trip to bury my sister. Parental duties seemed optional as he more than took the hands-off approach to this trip. He had people to get our bags, drive us from the airport, get us food, and everything. He did nothing for me or with me, the only words exchanged about service arrangements. My sister’s remains would be cremated, then aired over to LA for a memorial service. He had it all taken care of.
All but the being-present part.
He abandoned me, at least mentally, and this was chillingly familiar. He’d taken a similar approach when Mom died, all that made easier when he and my sister moved halfway across the country.
I hugged my body in the back of a town car, traveling highways and streets I was more familiar with than where I actually lived. I stayed in LA because that’s where our family had lived before our mom died from cancer…
My mom. It’s just me and Dad now, isn’t it?
My heart searing, I closed my eyes, hearing my dad beside me.
“You won’t be wearing that to the service, will you?”
I turned to find him looking at me.
He tipped a chin in my direction. “Your nose piercing? It’ll be inappropriate for such a formal event.”
My sister wouldn’t care how I looked.
Trying not to cry, I told him no, wondering now what was next for me. Now that my sister was gone I had no reason to stay with my dad. I could come back home, come… here. Paige would be here now, along with my mom.
I dampened my lips, silent all the way to Dad’s Airbnb. He basically had us set up in a mini version of his own home, a housekeeper and everything, in the Hollywood Hills, and after getting our bags dropped off, my dad trekked to the LA slums with me, aka my aunt Celeste’s place. She’d be waiting for us since she’d be coming along for our journey into the fucked-up process that was burying my only sister. She probably wouldn’t have a say in the arrangements, all this my dad, but she was coming. She was adamant about that, and the reception would actually be at her house. Dad hadn’t liked that one, and I heard him arguing with her most of last night about it on the phone. He must have lost that one because, as far as I knew, it was still happening.
People making this all about themselves…
Who knew if my dad or even my aunt cared about what my sister actually wanted. They hadn’t cared about her, giving up on her. Maybe if they would have looked into her disappearance sooner like I had, she might be here right now, or at least found sooner.
I brought my legs up, cradling them as our sedan came to a stop. The driver opened my door and then my dad’s, my father completely oblivious as he spouted off commands to someone.
“It better damn well be here by service time, or you can expect a lawsuit for the breech of contract,” he said, then covered his phone. He nodded toward my aunt’s place. “Go ahead and go on. These idiots in charge of your sister’s arrangements got the wrong damn headstone.”
I cringed, a chill behind his words. He’d been so cold about all this, everything regarding the process. This was obviously his way of coping, but I couldn’t deal with things this way.
Getting out of the car, I slammed the door, rushing inside to see a face I desperately wanted to see. My aunt’s car was in her driveway and mine too. She’d gone half on it with me for the old, beat-up Ford Focus. It barely ran, but it got the job done, and I’d hated to leave it. I’d hated to leave here, and I remembered that when I found my aunt in the living room. She’d been on the phone too, yelling at caterers from what it sounded like. I heard her say something about a fruit basket before spotting me at the door with my keys in hand.
My aunt was basically Mom’s twin down to the wavy hair and being divinely beautiful, albeit always a bit stressed. She worked a lot, hard-working just like my mom. I’d pretty much raised myself when I’d lived here due to my aunt’s busy schedule as a nurse, but that’d been okay. I was just happy she’d allowed me to stay at the time.
Her face flooded with relief when she saw me, and she lowered the phone, coming to me.
“Oh, honey,” she said, gathering me up. We didn’t hug a whole lot, but when we did, it always seemed to be over something tragic. I’d gotten an abortion my freshman year, and there’d been a lot of hugs then. My family just wasn’t huggers, that’d been my sister’s job.
I ached I wouldn’t get those anymore, my aunt’s hand coming down my hair before pulling away.
“How are you doing?” she asked, then shook her head. “Stupid question. Sorry.”