Play these games and whatever the fuck he thought he was doing. He’d dumped me, abandoned me more than once and even my sister. He hadn’t shown up for her at her service, consistent when he hadn’t shown up for me either.
“You left me,” I said, making his eyes close. “You left me, and you went with her.”
Like he remembered that, he opened his eyes, his swallow hard. Immediately, he placed distance between, and I realized Hershey had wrapped us in her leash again. It was like she knew, knew what I wanted despite the feeling being incredibly stupid.
“I didn’t want to,” he admitted, then closed his eyes. “Leave you, I mean.”
But he hadn’t said he didn’t want to be with her, Mira of all people. He didn’t correct that. He hadn’t at all.
He moved forward. “Things weren’t a good time. I couldn’t leave here…”
“So why didn’t you just tell me that?” I gritted, all those emotions coming back. “I was alone. I was alone—”
“You weren’t,” he said, surprising me. “I knew where you were. I put you there, remember?”
I did remember, “put” someplace as he put it.
He dampened his lips. “That’s why I had Knight check on you.”
“Out of guilt?” I concluded. “Guilt because you didn’t want to be with me? Because you didn’t want to deal with everything that happened to my sister with me? Did you deal with it with her? Mira?”
“December—”
“Did you?” I got up in his face, trembling. “I saw you guys come to the reception together. Was that why you were late? Because of her?”
His hands came together, his lips closing and when his gaze averted I knew my answer. He had been with her, chose her for whatever reason beyond me.
“Things are more complicated than you think,” he said. “Mira, she… I needed Mira.”
He needed her, and why was that the worst thing he could have possibly said? Maybe because he didn’t need me. Because she was able to give him something I couldn’t, and for whatever reason, that enraged me. I think because I cared about this boy more than I wanted to ultimately admit. I more than cared.
I swallowed hard. “You needed her.”
His nod was slow, his look pained. “I do, but I care about you—”
“Don’t.” I lifted my hands, not wanting to be some kind of damn consolation prize. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
He cringed. “I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?”
“To not hurt you.” He grabbed my hands, sharing the same words LJ had that day with me. LJ hadn’t wanted to hurt me then either, all of this the dreadful truth. He squeezed. “To not hurt you in all this. My decisions. I loved your sister. She was my best friend, and I do care about you.”
But he didn’t have to love me, which he clearly didn’t. He was between a rock and a hard place, wanting to not hurt me for the sake of my sister, but also not wanting me.
How fucked up.
I let go, done with all this. I started to go, but he called my name.
“I want you to stay away from Mallick, December,” he said, causing my back to rise. He traveled close. “I know all this with us, but even outside of that, you need to put some distance between yourself and that guy. He’s bad news. A bully.”
A bully…
Were we talking about the same Ramses? The one who’d been nice to me while he left me high and dry for a chick who’d been nothing but cruel to me?
“You got some nerve.” I faced him, face on fire. “Thinking you have any say in who I hang out with. Ramses told me about that beef you two have. How you ruined his life because he crossed lanes with you and your little Court.”
He smirked, no humor at all with it. He leaned forward. “Well, if I ruined his, it was penitence. He’s not a good guy, and I seriously question his intentions when it comes to you. For all I know, he’s getting close to you because he knows it’d piss me off.”