“Depends on what you have to say.” He sat back. He lifted a hand. “Do I even have a chance? A chance with you?”
I hated that he felt that way, that I gave him such a run around, that that was the relationship we had.
I fucked with this guy’s heart something crazy, and I hated that.
I cuffed his other arm, so powerful beneath me. He was mighty Ramses, all-powerful pharaoh of the world. At least, mine. “It’s not so simple.”
“What’s not so simple about it?”
“People who are different ages, our kind of age difference is fine on paper. But with that difference comes life experiences. Different life experiences, and relationships are already difficult enough.”
“Well, I’m willing to try.” A frustrated hand came over his head again. “And it’s not that different. Our ages?”
“It is enough of one, yeah, and then there is your mom.”
“Yeah, and she’d be cool with it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You don’t either, but you’re quick to say it. Shut this down.”
This all seemed moot, the back and forth. We were arguing about things that hadn’t happened. “I’ve barely been divorced for a year.”
“And I’m not asking to get married.” He shook his head. “I just want to give this a chance. Are you saying there isn’t one?”
“No.”
This surprised him, clearly. His eyes flashing. He leaned forward. “Okay.”
Oh my God, what are you doing?
I was being selfish. Willing to entertain this was completely selfish. Because what other words defined this?
He was a young man and had many more experiences that awaited him. Many young women like Meredith last night, ones who hadn’t been married and didn’t have all this baggage.
And I had a lot.
They went beyond my ex and how cruel he’d ended up treating me. They were buried, deeply rooted.
I needed them to stay there.
Placing them there was all I could do to function every day, and in all my thoughts, Ramses made me look at him once more.
“You’re doing it again.”
“What?”
He tilted my chin. “Using too much of this,” he said, touching my temple. “You’re so in your head right now when you don’t have to be. It doesn’t have to be so hard. In fact, it’s so simple.”
“Explain it to me then.” I worked my hair around. “Make it as simple for me as it is for you.”
Dampening his lips, he faced away. His fingers dragged across his mouth before he returned. “How about we put a deadline on it.”
“What?”
He nodded. “One of your biggest issues is my mom, right?”
“Yes.”