Dad took another step forward, and the guards watched me. I did nothing. He’d be bold to do something and he wouldn’t here. Dad had no power in this situation with me.
“I held that knuckle-white, my image. My status.” He shrugged. “Only to lose it. Only to give it to you.”
“Funny what happens when you fuck up,” I said. “And if we’re done…”
“Almost.” The guards allowed him to go back to his desk, and when he returned, he had a binder. He gave it to the guards, who gave it to me. “I’ve tracked all your accomplishments. All your wins over the years during my time here.” He pocketed his hands. “I really am proud of you, and I just wanted you to know it’s what’s keeping me moving forward. To know that you’re okay out there. You’re very inspiring, son.”
I scanned the pages, news articles mostly and internet pages. Awards I’d won, articles published at Brown. He even had a picture of me from the local paper back home, a ribbon cutting that I’d done recently.
They’d given my father resources all right to keep tabs on me, and once done, I gave the binder back to the guard.
“I’m glad to know you’ve been okay. That’s why I wanted you to come here and why I asked your mom to ask you. I wanted you to know I’ll always see you. I didn’t before, and I consider that one of my greatest mistakes,” he said. “I wronged you, son. Severely, and I know that now.”
“So, what now?”
“Nothing now.” He shook his head. “I’m in here. As I should be, but like you said, I won’t always be.” His head lowered. “I simply hope, one day, you’ll give me the opportunity to see you again. And if not physically, in person in whatever way you can. I’d love to see where life takes you the rest of the way. Where you and, one day, your own family takes you.”
My throat thickened, but he wouldn’t see that either. I didn’t care about what he hoped for, and this man wouldn’t see my family. Not if I had something to do with it.
But I would have a family. It would take me some place, and that was what affected me. I could see that future as strongly as I felt it. I would have it.
I swallowed as I looked at him. “You probably won’t get what you want.”
His chin lifted, his expression as if my words didn’t affect him. “That’s the thing about hope, Ramses. Even if you don’t get what you want, it pushes you on.” He smiled. “It allows you to continue on with life. Live a good life even. I may be in here, but I’ll never lose hope. I’ll never stop trying.”
He retreated back to his desk, picking up his pen as if he’d said nothing. He was always one to get the last word.
I gestured toward the guard, and they led me out, a place I never planned to see again. I’d finished my business here.
It was time I started living a life beyond hope.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Bri
My thumb caressed the ruby red petals, bright and vibrant with life. Two dozen roses and not in a vase but bundled in thick paper and secured with a bow. I signed off for them, then plucked the card from between the stems.
Sorry.
I closed my eyes, my chest visibly concaving if it could. He had no reason to be sorry for anything. I’d been the distant one.
I hugged the pretty paper to my chest, burying my face in the smell. It took me about five seconds to remember I wasn’t alone.
“Someone is either dating someone or has a secret admirer.” Evie pressed the Diet Coke to her lips, her smile wide. “And must think quite the world of you for such a lovely gift. They’re gorgeous, darling.”
My heart hurt again as I eyed the roses, smelling them once more. Evie and I’d been surprised to have our lunch date interrupted by a flower delivery girl. She’d brought the roses.
They were gorgeous, stunning and completely unnecessary.
Oh, Ramses…
I hadn’t done right by him lately. But then again, I definitely had a track record when it came to him.
I placed the roses on my desk, my sigh heavy. I rejoined my friend in the chairs reserved for my students. We ate lunch in here once or twice a week. Basically, whenever we could fit them in between our hectic schedules.
Crossing my legs, I popped a piece of apple in my mouth. “They are lovely.” I nodded. “And he does think the world of me.” He shouldn’t, but he did. I folded my arms. “It’s new.”
Of course, I still hadn’t told her. But not necessarily because Ramses and I were still waiting for graduation. I wasn’t sure if we were even heading anywhere anymore.