“Fuck,” he groans into my neck as he buries his face there. “Tell me you’re on the pill,” he whispers.
There’s no point in lying or telling the truth. “I’m safe,” I tell him quietly.
“Thank fuck,” he says against my neck before rocking his hips again, and I make some strangled, embarrassing sound that proves it’s been too long.
He shifts up onto one elbow, and his eyes find mine in the dark room, holding my gaze as he rocks in and out, setting a slow, torturing rhythm. My hands slide up his firm chest, and one of my hands settles over the bald eagle there, clutching it like it’s mine.
My other hand slides around his neck, digging into his flesh as he drives in and out of me with steady, measured, incredible thrusts. My head tilts back when the sensations wash over me too soon, and my body arches against him, trying to hurry his rhythm when I start rocking against him.
He steadies my hips with one hand, but he jerks me to him as he thrusts in, and it’s the end of me. I shatter and break apart, feeling the explosive orgasm in my stomach unfurl into a rapturous, mind-numbing climax that has me crying out his name and cursing him at the same time.
His thrusts quicken, drawing out the intensity of everything going on inside me at once, and I continue to clench around him as he drop his face to my neck again. When my name rumbles through his lips, my eyes roll back in my head, practically getting high from the way he clings to me and stills at the deepest point.
My legs quiver with aftershock-like tremors, and just his breath against my neck is giving me chills against the overly sensitive flesh of my body. Limply, I run my fingers through his hair, as he holds me to him, wrapping around me the way he always did when we were kids who were trying to figure all this out.
“You were right,” I whisper softly.
“What?” he mumbles, sounding sleepy against me as my grin spreads.
“You’ve definitely gotten better at this.”
His throaty chuckle is muffled against my neck, and I feel the vibrations of it all the way to my core. My heart clenches in my chest, and I stare up at the ceiling, questioning all the possibilities of a better future.
Once upon a time, we were on different ends of this spectrum. I wish I could see a future where this is all works out to be a fairytale ending, but in the end, I know it’s not possible until I’m better. If I’m ever better.
And Chase is the one who deserves better than I can ever give him.
Now I know exactly how he felt all those years ago, and my heart hurts twice as much as it did back then. When a tear slips down my cheek, Chase kisses my neck, still holding onto me.
I guess I can love him while it lasts. I could use just a little light in the darkness for a change. Even if it is selfish.
Chapter 33
CHASE
“You sure you don’t want to just stay in and cook something?” I ask her, bending over to kiss her neck as she slips into a pair of shorts. “Obviously I’m offering to cook, not telling you to cook.”
“Positive. Hate cooking these days,” she says tightly, but her entire body is relaxed against mine.
“I said I’d cook,” I tell her, grinning when her breath hitches just because I’m kissing a path down her neck.
She woke up at two in the morning, terrified, and for the first time ever, I got to chase her nightmares away like she did mine. Okay, so not exactly the same way. Before we ever had sex, she would kiss me and curl against me. Just letting me hold her was enough to stave off the dark shadows in my mind.
Before we ever kissed,
she’d hold me to her and run her fingers through my hair while I listened to her voice. I was usually stuck half in the nightmare, unsure of what she was saying, but slowly I’d come out of it, and she’d be talking about something completely random. It almost makes me laugh just thinking back to how easy it was for her to change my life three months a year by simply talking.
She never acted the least bit fazed when I jerked awake and was panicking or screaming as a kid. She never freaked out when I woke up in a cold sweat and clung to her as a teen. She never freaked out when I woke her up and took her as a sixteen-year-old who was desperately losing myself inside her just to forget my reality.
Last night was the first time I’ve ever been her light though. Then we spent the rest of the night getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies. She’s definitely more into it now than when we were kids, and she blew my mind back then. It felt good to blow her mind for once.
The only thing that bothers me is the fact I don’t even know what shadows haunt her dreams.
“You want to talk about what your dream was?” I ask her.
She shifts out of my arms and turns to face me, forcing a smile.
“Not yet. Eventually, but not now.”