I nod, trying not to clench my jaw too tightly. That book was the most nauseating thing I’ve ever read. Mika had to have felt so alone, just like she’s probably feeling right now.
“I’m aware,” I finally say. “But she feels something when I’m with her. Whether she wants to or not.”
“I know. Trust me, I know. You’re either going to save her or destroy her. Remember that.”
“We’ll save each other,” I tell her, watching her eyes widen fractionally before a subtle smile graces her lips. “I just need your help to be what she needs.”
She’s nothing like I expected, and I can tell she actually cares about Mika.
“Very well.”
She pulls out a list and hands it to me, as though she was prepared for this.
“Let’s pretend I drew this up for you after you disclosed all the pertinent information concerning your girlfriend’s case.”
I restrain a smile, accepting the list from her. “Any time you do one of the forbidden, you need to mark it,” she goes on.
I look down at the list that actually has boxes for checkmarks out beside it. It’s two pages stapled together, and each page is full.
“Take this homework seriously. If you can’t remember to mark the boxes when you slip up, you won’t be able to handle someone who needs this structure for a healthy life.”
“I’ll take it seriously,” I assure her.
“I have extra copies for you in the folder I’ve assembled. Also, call me twice a week to let me know how this is going.”
“No problem.”
“Go ahead and mark a box beside ‘never commit to a number for any reason’ and one for ‘never set a schedule’ as well.”
Sighing, I immediately check off the boxes, realizing this isn’t going to be quite as easy as I initially thought. I’m already failing a test that I just started.
“It’s all about the wording, Mr. James,” she continues, watching me with a guarded expression. “A mind like your girlfriend’s demands the right wording.”
“I’ll call you when I can,” I tell her, and her lips twitch.
“Better. Now live this way for a while.”
“How long?” I grimace when she starts to speak. “Never mind. Sorry. No dates or
guesses at timeframes. Marking the boxes off now.”
Her lips twitch and she nods.
“It’ll take time. It’s a long process. Think marathon—not a race.”
“I’m a fast learner, Doc. And I’m ready to have Mika back. I think life has fucked us both over for long enough. Don’t you?”
I can tell she’s still trying to decide what she thinks about me, and probably worried about Mika.
“What are your thoughts on this?” she asks me. “I mean about this situation.”
“My thoughts?” My lips tense as I try to process my thoughts. They’re everywhere. “My thoughts are that I don’t give a fuck about anything but getting Mika back. And I’m ready to prove it.”
She clears her throat like I caught her off guard, but she resumes going over the list without missing more than a few beats.
“Mi—I mean, your girlfriend has to be careful with powerful emotions. It’s fine until it’s not fine. It’s been holding her back from progressing into a relationship state. Emotions run higher when a lot of affection or physical contact is involved, creating a larger margin for irrationality,” she explains calmly. “Hence the reason her reaction was so extreme this past time.”
“I didn’t know the rules last time. This time I do. I’m not going in blind. It’s worth it.”