“Just go for now, Chaz. My emotions are frazzled and a little messy right now. I need more blood, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
His frustration clear, he sits down on the bed, not willing to oblige me even this once.
“You used to tell me everything, and I really fucking miss my friend. What the hell is going on with you? Just tell me.”
I cut my eyes back toward him. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why?” he snaps, throwing his hands up in aggravation.
“Because you’ll hate me!” I shout before I can help myself.
It grows eerily silent, and I pant a little as the tears start leaking down my face. His eyes soften.
“This is about Slade,” he surmises. His jaw grinds when I nod slowly. “He tried killing Roslyn and Leah, Ella. Are you serious?” he growls.
Looking down at my hands as the teardrops splatter to them, and I take a deep breath. “I’m given one mate—another piece of my existence that all creatures like us seek without realizing we’re seeking it. I once lost pieces of myself to a different man who hated everything about me, because I was young and naïve.”
My eyes come up to meet his as he exhales harshly, a little sympathy etching his features.
“Now I’m destined to lose another piece of myself because my missing piece is a tortured soul who would rather see the world burn than to face any sort of future. And I’m not even allowed to be upset about it, because everyone hates him. I can’t even argue with their reasoning for hating him, but he’s never hurt me. He’s mine. I’m his. And he’d rather die than face a possible future. It’s like my fate was decided long ago, and nothing I do can change it.”
Another hot tear rolls down my cheek, and I look back down.
“Kane worried Slade was your mate,” Chaz states quietly. “He wanted to kill him at first, but he worried what it would do to you.”
Laughing humorlessly, I wipe away my tears. “Of course you all already knew. What was I thinking? I’m always the last to know anything.”
“Ella, I—”
“It’s fine. I get why everyone would be that way. Hey, do me a favor and ask Dad how many humans he shredded when he was still sired the next time you see him.”
“That’s a low blow, Ella. He didn’t have control during that time, and you know it.”
Standing, I nod. “We’re all monsters, Chaz. But the definition of no control is being chained to a wall in a chamber of horrors as people find ways to scar unscarrable flesh with pain I’m sure neither of us can imagine,” I tell him.
My eyes meet his and hold there.
“I’m sure when he thinks of Roslyn pulling them back to those chambers, even though she had no control, he’s taken back to all the things done to him. Leah comes from the people who started that shit show. They made him the monster. He’s damaged, like all the rest of us. We just don’t understand his damage. Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend since she’s the one who pointed that out first.”
Before he can say anything, there’s a creak from the doorway, and I look up with Chaz to see my father standing there. I’m not sure how long he’s been there, but I can tell by the look in his eyes it’s been long enough.
Silence passes between us, even though it feels like we both want to say something at the same time.
“Sorry,” I say quietly, my voice cracking as I beat him to the words.
I dematerialize again, blood pack in hand as I drink it and go to the cave where Alton is.
His eyes come up and meet mine, almost like he’s surprised to see me.
“I know you expected me to forget your little revelation and the fact you’re squatting here, but go fuck yourself. You’re not stronger than me, so don’t try that again.”
He slowly stands to his feet, wearing something different than the last time I saw him, as his brow furrows.
“What happened to you?”
Ignoring his question, I tell him, “I’m going to drink more blood, and you’re going to train me. If you’re not stronger than me, then it’s likely that I’m not stronger than you. Which means I can’t kill you, and hopefully I can’t hurt you either.”
“Then let me set up an area where we can train without my brother finding me,” he says without hesitation, almost making me suspicious.