Understudy

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I try to pretend I didn’t see the pained expression flicker across his face at my harsh words. I try to pretend that my own heart doesn’t hurt a little bit because I have to walk away from him. As much as I want to stay and pretend that kiss was real, I can’t. I am better than the girl who falls for a guy who keeps secrets from her.

I shuffle down the few stairs that lead off stage and into the auditorium. People are everywhere but I can’t focus on anyone or anything but my own shoes. My mom runs straight toward me with her arms stretched wide. She encloses me in a suffocating yet proud parental hug. “Honey you were so great!” she gushes into my ear, making me wince with the pain of my eardrums almost exploding.

I feel my dad’s hand pat my back as Mom finally releases me from her painfully loving hug. The wrinkles on the sides of his eyes crease as he smiles and tugs on the tie around his neck. That’s definitely something Mom forced him to wear, which is so silly because this is a high school play, not a professional performance in NYC. “I’m proud of you, Wren.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Aunt Barlow steps forward, using her play brochure as a makeshift fan, even though it’s definitely not hot in the auditorium. Her face is a blank canvas. “Are you done yet? Your parents promised a fancy dinner tonight and I’m starved.”

Mom shoots her sister a warning look but I shrug it off. It would have been stupid of me to expect my aunt to congratulate me on the play. After all, I did everything exactly the opposite as she would have wanted. I’m surprised she didn’t get up and walk out the moment my “too fat in her opinion” ass walked out on stage as Gretchen.

It would have been nice to hear a kind word from her on my performance, but I certainly didn’t expect it. And you know what? It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to strive for her approval anymore. I don’t need a passing grade or even a standing ovation from her. School is over in a week and she will never again be Ms. Barlow to me. She’s just my crazy aunt now. And I can handle that.

My parents and Aunt Barlow head to their car and tell me to meet them at my favorite Mexican restaurant. After being stopped by a few cast members to say hello to their parents, I rush backstage to grab my purse and backpack, hoping to make it in and out faster than Derek can find me. You know, if he’s still looking for me and all. I roll my eyes at myself when I realize how stupid that is. He isn’t looking for me. He probably went home and called Lexie.

Principal Walsh stops me right before I make it out of the auditorium doors. A wave of panic hits me when I see his outstretched hand near the doorway, but then his smile makes me pause. He doesn’t look like he’s about to complain about anything. In his hand is a manila folder. I’ve seen that folder before.

“You did well,” he says, holding it out to me.

I take the folder and feel my future make one giant step toward where I want it to go. I can’t even contain the massive smile that spreads across my face. “Thank you sir.”

My phone rings on the drive to the restaurant. I glance at the caller ID from the cup holder, already determined not to answer no matter who it is. I’m high on the satisfaction of successfully directing a play and getting my recommendation letter and I don’t need anyone to call and give me bad news. But the caller isn’t my parents or Margot or someone who usually calls. I grab it and answer. “Hello?”

“Hey Wren,” Gwen says. “I heard the play was good.”

“Yeah everything worked out fine, luckily,” I say as I pull into the parking lot. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to thank you for being a good friend. I’m sorry I let you down and all, and I’m just really glad you didn’t get pissed off. And thank you for not telling the whole school or anything.”

“Gwen, I’d never do that. I know I don’t know you that well, but I’m here for you if you need anything.”

“Thanks.” I can tell she’s smiling from the way her voice sounds. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m living with my grandparents and they’re helping me get enrolled in online college classes.”

“Wow, that’s great news. What about Blake?”

She’s quiet for a moment. “We didn’t work out. But that’s for the best. He was kind of an asshole.”

We both laugh. I’m not exactly sure what to say next because like I said, I don’t really know her that well. She breaks the silence instead. “Hey, so I know this isn’t really my place and all, but I want to tell you something about Derek.”

My heart leaps into my throat. I really want to hang up the phone now. Instead, I bark out, “What is it?”

“I ran into him the other day when I was at the women’s clinic getting a checkup. He didn’t see me at first. He was with this girl and he like gave her a hug good bye when she got called back to see the doctor.”

Gwen’s voice gets swallowed up by the thudding of my heartbeat in my head. Derek was with a girl at the free women’s clinic? The place teenagers go when they get knocked up is the last place I’d expect to see Derek. Unless… ugh. An overwhelming feeling of hatred for him rises up in me. He didn’t care about me at all. He never did.

“Are you still there?” Gwen asks, bringing me back to the conversation.

“Yeah,” I choke out through my dry throat.

“So anyway, I thought he would ignore me when he walked past me and all, but he didn’t. He stopped and said hello and asked how I was doing. So then I’m like freaking out because he’s talking to me like it’s no big deal that I found him at the clinic with another girl when it was pretty obvious that you and him were dating, ya know?”

“Mhmm,” I manage to answer even though all I want to do is hang up the phone and forget that I ever heard any of this.

“So then I decided that if he’s screwing around on you then you deserve to know because you’re such a nice person and I don’t want you to get fucked over like Blake did to me.”

“Um, yeah, thanks for the call,” I interrupt. “But we’re not dating and we never really did so it doesn’t matter what he does with another girl.”