“Me too,” I say, and it’s only kind of a lie. I do want him to succeed. I just wish his career didn’t take him away from me. The second the words cross my mind I feel like an epic asshole for being so selfish. Ash deserves all of the success in the world. If only I wasn’t so stupid to have let him slip away.
“Still, I kind of thought something was going on between you last time he was here,” she says. “Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.”
My stomach tightens when I remember our frenzied kiss that night, the feel of his hands on me after months of being without him. But that was all it was—a lapse of judgment between two former lovers. Right? Ash has only sent me a few texts in the last few days, most of them asking how my dad is doing. “Yeah, I don’t think Ash wants to be anything more than friends with me.”
“Oh.” Shelby kicks an acorn across the wooden bridge. “Well call me crazy, but you two were holding hands last time he was h
ere. That’s not exactly a friend thing.”
I sigh. “I’d be lying if I said I maybe, sort of, kind of, wish that we were starting up again.”
Shelby stops in her tracks. “I knew it!” When I keep walking, she hurries to catch up. “I mean, I don’t even understand why you guys broke up in the first place. You’re obviously soul mates. I’m so glad you’re finally admitting it.”
I level a glare at her. “I’m not going to tell you things if you’re going to act like that.”
“I’m cool,” she says, holding up her hands. “I won’t make a big deal about it, but I’m telling you, Ash feels the same way. You two just need to get together and make amends already.”
“Right. Because that’s so easy to do when he’s never here.”
Shelby reaches for my hand and gives a squeeze. “He’ll be here. Eventually.”
*
The air is alive with the buzz of race day. The smell of high-octane fuel mixes with the sweetness of the wildflowers that grow along the sides of the track’s biggest jumps. People are everywhere, from proud grandmas in massive sunhats on the bleachers, to kids in full body motocross gear with helmets so huge they look like colorful alien heads walking around. Dads run around fixing bikes and refueling gas tanks while Moms administer bandages to scraped elbows and apply sunblock to the tops of noses.
I stand on the roof balcony at the top of the score tower, gazing out at this massive gathering of motocross racers and fans from all over the state. Marty is making the pre-race announcements below me, and at the front gates Shelby and Dorothy are signing in the long line of spectators. The ambulance guys have staged themselves near the track in case anyone gets hurt. Our flaggers are all stationed around the track, and the first moto is lining up at the gate. The American flag whips through the air, and everyone turns their attention toward it as Alyson begins to sing the anthem.
My walkie-talkie rests on my hip, silent for the last half hour. Everything is running smoothly. From my vantage point three floors high, I smile at the event below me. I feel like I could take on the freaking world.
The gate drops and the races begin. I know Teig is getting ready for his race in the fifth moto, so I’ll head down there to give him a high-five in a few minutes. But for now, I just want to breathe in the warm summer air and admire everything we’ve accomplished while Dad was in the hospital.
My phone rings, the familiar jingle of the Skype app. For a brief second, I think Ash is calling me since we used to Skype all the time when we were dating. I don’t have time to let my stomach get twisted up in knots before I see Molly’s name on the screen.
“Hey,” I say, answering the video call.
Molly’s eyes are dark orbs in the dim hospital lighting, but when she bursts into a smile, the whole screen lights up with her. “How are things going?”
“Things are running perfectly so far,” I say. “You don’t need to worry about us, okay?”
“Oh I’m not worried.” Molly’s eyes dart to something off the screen and then she gives me a mischievous look. “Someone is awake and wants to talk to you.”
“Dad!” my question is more of a shout. The screen blurs and then my dad’s face comes into view. He’s lying back on his hospital bed but for once, his eyes are open.
“Hi, honey.”
Tears spring to my eyes. “Dad, you’re awake.” It’s all I can say before I choke up. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve felt better,” he says, glancing at Molly at then grinning. “But for almost dying, I guess I can’t complain.”
“I’m sorry I’m not there,” I say, turning around to lean my back against the balcony’s railing. “I can probably leave right now and get there soon.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, honey. You stay there. Molly told me what you and Marty and the rest of the crew are doing. I couldn’t be more proud of you, Hana.”
“Save your pride for after the races,” I say with a laugh. “There’s still plenty of time for everything to go to hell.”
“I have faith in you. I always knew you’d be able to run this place after I was gone.”
I narrow my eyes. “You’re not allowed to be gone any time soon, okay? One heart attack is enough. I’m going to make sure Molly keeps feeding you healthy food from now on.”