Chapter 2
Nathan bounces out of his bed and my body flies an inch off the mattress as the old box spring screams for mercy. “What the hell?” I groan, pulling the sheets up over my breasts as he runs across the room and turns his back toward his bedroom door. Catapulting out of bed right before I begin one of my world famous blowjobs isn’t exactly polite.
“Sorry babe,” he says, right before releasing a fart into the hallway that is as gross as it is loud.
I throw my arm across my eyes and roll over, pressing my head into the pillow. “God, Nate.”
The bed sinks as he lowers himself under the covers next to me, sliding a smooth hand over my lower back. “What was I supposed to do? I can’t let one rip under the sheets!” He snorts as his hand grazes slowly over my ass and back up again, in what is his attempt to get me back in the mood. “Probably shouldn’t have had Mexican food,” he murmurs as his hand slides up and cups the side of my boob. His lips graze the back of my neck.
And here’s the thing: I feel nothing.
With a sigh, I roll over and face him. “What happened to us?”
The brief flicker of panic that crosses over his features doesn’t escape me. He props himself up on one arm and those big blue-green eyes search mine for a sign that everything is okay. “What do you mean, babe?”
“You never used to fart in front of me before. Now you do it all the time.”
“Babe, we’ve been together for six years…I think we can fart in front of each other now.”
I pull the sheets tighter around my body, suddenly feeling dirty. “No, Nate. Just…no. You can’t just do that in front of me. It’s not sexy.”
He lifts an eyebrow and pushes himself toward the other side of the bed. “You’re over reacting, Delaney. It’s a normal body function. Are you going to get all pissed off the next time I get up to take a leak?”
“Your point is valid,” I say with a sigh. “Of course you’re allowed to pee, I just—” I suck in a deep breath and let it out. “I can’t give you a blow job tonight. Not with the fear of getting stink bombed while I’m down there.”
He laughs, drawing his hand down his beard. “I deserve that. Come on, we’ll skip to the fun part.”
He presses his body against mine and goes in for a kiss, which I reluctantly return. He bites my lip and I pull away. It’s right about now that a lobotomy toggle switch would be really helpful. “What is wrong with you?” he whines, going in for another kiss.
I press my hand to his chest. “I’m just not in the mood right now.”
He rolls closer to me, the hairs on his chest brushing against my arm. “What can I do to get you in the mood?” he whispers. I look down to avoid meeting his sad little puppy gaze, but instead I focus on his chubby man boob pressed against my skin. I’ve never had a problem with him being overweight. And I still don’t. But right now, I am not the least bit turned on and this is not helping. I just want to go home.
“I’m sorry,” I say, sitting up and grabbing my shirt from the nightstand. “I think I need to leave.”
“What the fuck, Delaney?” Nathan throws himself out of bed and crosses his arms, his boner pointing straight at me as if it’s accusing me of treason. “We haven’t had sex in over a week because of your stupid job.”
I jump into my clothing as fast as possible, buttoning my jeans without bothering to zip them. I never meant for this to turn into an argument. This was supposed to be a good night. I don’t know why I’m ruining it by getting upset over something stupid. But my gut tells me to leave because I know I’ll be happier at home, on my own couch, watching old episodes of whatever is on Netflix.
I press my lips together and keep my voice calm. There’s no need to yell, because I’m not angry. But he’s been with me for six years and he deserves to know what’s in my heart. “We haven’t had sex in over a week because I haven’t wanted to.”
Susan shakes her head from the elliptical machine next to me. “Honey you’re gonna make that boy cry. I can’t believe you said that.”
The lime green LED lights on my elliptical show how many calories I’ve burned, and it’s not nearly enough to make up for this morning’s two glazed donuts. And bacon. And, well, that third glazed donut. I raise the machine’s resistance and give Susan an apathetic smile. It’s my day off work and yet I’m here with Susan, working out instead of doing something fun. I think that says a lot about my situation. “I can’t believe I said it myself. I feel like an asshole.”
“Nah…” she begins, trailing off, I guess, after she realizes there’s no truthful way to deny what I just said. I am an asshole to Nathan, and he doesn’t deserve it.
“There was just something about his hairy man boob,” I say with a shudder that makes her laugh. “I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with someone who farts loudly in front of me and then presses his boob against me.”
Susan eyes the dashboard on my elliptical and then raises her resistance level to where it matches mine. “I thought you two had a great sex life. Why did you suddenly change your mind?”
It wasn’t sudden, but she doesn’t know that because I’ve kept her out of my private life for a few weeks. I wonder if I should tell her the truth, about the total life-hating assholery adventure I’ve been on lately, or if I should just continue with the lie and let her think I’ve suddenly fallen out of love with my boyfriend.
Someone lets out a low whistle. “Damn that ass, Sunshine.” I glance back to see Austin and his sixteen-year-old brother walking past us toward the weight room. “He shoots a finger gun at me and then at Susan, giving us a wink. “Both of those asses.” He shakes his head and covers his brother’s eyes. “You’re not old enough to see gorgeousness of this magnitude, bro.”
“Jesus Christ, Austin. Stop teaching the boy to be a pig like you,” Susan says in a horrible imitation of someone who’s actually annoyed by the compliment instead of flattered. She turns back to me. “Thank God for sixty dollar ass-lifting yoga pants, eh?”
She’s right. The yoga pants are magical. “Oh, my god!” Susan squeals right as my arm stings from where she slaps me. “You like—” she glances toward the weight room and then lowers her voice. “You like Austin!”