“Listen,” I say, standing from the couch and pacing across the room. “I appreciate what you’re doing and what you’re offering me, but I can’t accept it. I love you, Kris but I can’t move in with you.”
The words are out of my mouth before I catch them. My body runs cold and my heart seizes in my chest but I keep pacing, hoping to God that Nathan didn’t hear my slip up.
“What the hell did you just say?” His voice thunders throughout the small living room, making his question sound more like a threat.
He definitely heard.
Mortification flows through my veins but I stay calm. I don’t throw my hand over my mouth and turn a deep shade of burgundy. I know better than that. Spinning on my heel, I lift my eyebrows and smile sweetly. “What do you mean?” I ask with all the carefree confidence of someone who’s done nothing wrong.
His hands tighten into fists, but his voice cracks when he speaks. “You called me Kris.”
“No, I didn’t,” I snap on impulse. I know it doesn’t sound convincing. And that’s because I’m a terrible liar. I shrug my shoulders and give him a helpless look as I reach for his arm. He pulls away. “If I said that, then it was just because you were talking about him and his name was fresh in my mind. It doesn’t mean anything.”
He wraps his arms around me now, pulling me close to his bare chest. He smells like sweat from our romp on the couch. “I’m going to believe you because it’s the only choice I have.”
I feel like telling him he has plenty of choices, and that staying with me despite what I say or do isn’t healthy for anyone, but I know that won’t go over well. So I continue to stand, my bare feet cold on the painted concrete floor, while he holds me tightly to him. My arms hang limply at my sides as he squeezes me, resting his chin on my head. It’s times like these were I can’t help but imagine what life would be like if things happened the way I wanted them to. If I spoke my mind instead of letting others speak for me, if I walked where I chose to walk instead of enduring everyone else’s walks as their doormat.
What do I want? It isn’t Kris. Because fuck him. But I know it isn’t Nathan either. I will have to tell him this and end things so he can look for his real soul mate. I’m only hurting both of us by staying in this relationship.
“I love you so much,” Nathan whispers into my ear. “I could never live without you.”
A knot twists in my stomach. Yeah, I need to tell him someday. But, not today.
My phone rings from the coffee table in the center of the room. A glance at the screen shows me it’s a number that isn’t saved in my phone. Nathan releases me so I can grab it, and I’m so grateful for the distraction from Nathan’s declarations of love, that I won’t even mind if it’s a bill collector or telemarketer.
“Hello?” I ask, thinking that on second thought, a call from a bill collector would actually suck.
“Am I speaking with Delaney?” a man’s voice asks. I mumble an acknowledgement into the receiver, hoping to god that the voice I hear on the other line is just shockingly similar to who I think it is.
“Hey, it’s Kris. Sorry for the late notice, but we’re having an employee’s only team building event at the Fun Max House on the north side of town tonight. Can you make it?”
My vision blurs and I use all of my brainpower to keep my face emotionless in front of Nathan. He would die if he knew I was talking to Kris. Hell, I could die from knowing that I’m talking to Kris.
“You there?” he says. “Again, sorry you weren’t informed earlier. It was a mistake on my part.”
“Um,” I say, smiling to Nathan and mouthing the words It’s my Mom with a roll of my eyes. “Sure, I can join you. It’s no problem.”
Chapter 9
A wave of anxiety makes me lightheaded as I walk past a woman struggling
to keep her five kids together in the busy parking lot of Fun Max House. I’ve never been here but I’ve seen the commercials enough times to know that Fun Max House is a giant warehouse with mini golf, laser tag, arcade games and tons of junk food. They even made it a place for adults to enjoy by serving alcohol in the special adults’ only section with pool tables and bowling.
I’m not sure there’s enough alcohol in the world to calm my nerves right now. As I walk through the parking lot, each step closer to the fun house makes me feel like it’s one step closer to my own demise. What if Kris lied about the team-building thing and what if he only invited me? The whole thing could be a lie to get me alone so he can…what? I shake my head. It’s not as if he would want to do anything to me. I’m not the killer here. I’m not the person who abandoned the other one.
But I’m on the verge of a freaking panic attack at the ridiculous idea that this is all a setup to get me alone. Maybe I should have brought my sister.
The scent of wine and cherry blossom body spray crushes into me as Susan appears out of nowhere and wraps her drunken arm around my shoulder. “Do we have the best boss ever, or what?” she says, nodding her head in an answer to her own question. She reaches into the pocket of her velour track pants and tosses golden coins into the air. “Open bar and as many tokens as we want.”
I steady my arm around her waist in an attempt to keep her drunk walk from pulling both of us to the ground. I guess I was wrong about the Kris only inviting me thing. Of course he wouldn’t do that. He probably tried not to invite me at all. Up ahead, Koby holds open the door for us. He’s the part time high school kid we hired to wipe down the machines and take out the trash every day.
“How many drinks has she had?” I ask him as he leads us inside the crowded warehouse full of lights and noises and people. And somewhere, Kris Payne.
“Not many,” he says, leading the way to the adult section in the back. “But I think she may have arrived a little tipsy,” he whispers into my ear.
“I heard that!” Susan punches him playfully in the arm. Some of my anxiety melts away. I can handle being around Kris when I’m also with Susan and the rest of my coworkers. It’s not as if anyone here is a mind reader and knows about the thoughts I had while lying naked with my boyfriend just an hour ago.
A waitress in black pants and a purple cleavage-baring tank top with the Fun Max House logo across the chest hands me an ice-cold beer from the tray in her hand. I thank her and drink half the bottle in one gulp. I’m going to be just fine. Kris Payne can suck it.