I press my hand against his chest and meet his eyes, standing as tall and straight as I can. Maybe I can fix this. “I love you, Nate. We love each other. How can you do this?”
He swallows and his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “No high school couple stays together forever, Isla. It’s just—we’re only hurting ourselves being in this relationship. We need to see the world and get out and do more things.”
“Why can’t we see the world together?” My voice is barely a whisper now, but the rage hasn’t subsided in my chest. If I stop being angry, I’ll only be hurt. And anger is a better kind of pain. I press my hands into his chest, and my palms fit perfectly like they always have. Tears pour out of my eyes. I couldn’t control them even if I wanted to. “Why can’t we do that, Nate?”
He sighs and walks over to the bed, sinking into the fluffy mattress. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and he peers up at me. “I just don’t see us ever staying together forever. So why should we stay together now, only to be hurt later?”
“Because it hurts now,” I say, collapsing into more sobs. Nate leans forward and takes my hand, pulling me closer to the foot of the bed. He pats the empty spot next to him, and I sit down, if only because I no longer have faith in my legs to keep me standing. I feel his hand slide around my shoulders, his grip trying to be warm and comforting. But I feel nothing inside. “How long have you wanted to break up with me?” I ask because not knowing this answer is worse than knowing it.
He swallows. “Not long. Around the time they rezoned us.”
My face twists in disbelief. “Is this because I won’t be a Warrior anymore?”
He shrugs, shakes his head no. But he bites his bottom lip, and my heart rips in half. “It is,” I say, as bewilderment overtakes the pain in my heart. “You don’t want to be with me because I won’t be a part of your team anymore. This is bullshit.”
“No, Isla. That’s not it. That’s not all. I knew this was coming for a while, but now the rezoning has made me realize we just need to have a clean break now before it gets bad.”
“Why would it get bad?” The question is just a fraction of everything I want to ask. Why don’t you love me anymore? Why am I not good enough? Why can’t I be enough for you?
“Because you’ll be gone and you’ll meet new friends and I’ll meet new friends, and it won’t work. It’ll just end badly if we try to stay together.”
“Why are you so sure about this?” I ask, rising from the bed. I tur
n to face him, feeling more confident now that he’s the one looking up at me. “And what do you mean by new friends? You mean new girls, don’t you? You’ll meet new girls without me. And you don’t want to become a cheater, so you’re just ending things now.”
My hands pulse and the tears dry up. I see clearly now. I’m not good enough for Nate Miles. Maybe I used to be, but I’m not anymore. He wants more than me, and he’s using this stupid rezoning as an excuse to cut ties. As if our four years together were nothing. My chest heaves. My teeth dig into my lip until I taste blood.
Nate looks me straight in the eyes, and I realize now that he’s not crying. He hasn’t shed a tear this whole time. “Isla, I want to still be friends. We’ve known each other forever. Let’s not become strangers, okay?”
I shake my head. “You don’t get both. You can have me or not. But you don’t get both.”
He lets out a slow breath. “I hope you’ll change your mind.”
I latch onto the anger and let it take control of me. Without the rage, I am just a broken heart. He can’t see me like that, not right now. My hands go to my hips. “Are we done here?”
“I guess. But it shouldn’t end this way.” He sits up straighter on the bed, his palms flat on his jeans. He gives me a sad look, and his furrowed brow is the most ironic thing in the world.
“You don’t get to be sad when you’re the one causing this,” I say quietly. I hate looking at him, but I hate looking away. I hate everything all at once. “You could stop all of this by staying with me.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not that easy, Isla. Plus, why would you still want to be with me after I broke up with you?”
I shrug. “I’ll forget it ever happened if you just change your mind.” Dammit. Traitorous tears roll down my eyes again. The five stages of grief slip into my mind. Bargaining is not my friend.
Nate reaches out to me while still sitting at the foot of the bed. I wonder if this is the same mattress from the first time we were in here. How many people have slept on it since we first fooled around under the sheets? If any of those couples are still together, or if they’re suffering the same broken fate.
My feet move toward him, my hands reaching for his outstretched arms. His palms slide up my arms and then wrap around my sides, pulling me into a hug. My legs nestle between his knees as I stand in front of him. He buries his face against my chest, and I fold into him, resting my head on top of his.
We’re quiet like this for a long while. I can hear the crackling of the bonfire, the whoops and laughter from our friends outside. Nate’s warm hands on my back are as familiar as they are foreign. I don’t know this person anymore.
His fingers grip my sides, and he pulls me back, looking up at me with a sparkle in his eyes. “Hey …” he says with a faint smile.
“Yeah?” I want to push him away and hold him tightly all at the same time.
He throws a glance over his shoulder, nodding toward the bed behind us. “Want to hook up one last time?”
I’m not sure if I’m more surprised that he had the audacity to ask, or that he thinks I might actually agree. I meet his gaze and slide my hands up his shoulders, lacing my fingers behind his neck. I move forward, pulling up my knees until I’m sitting on his lap at the foot of the bed.
“Mmm,” he murmurs, gripping my hips so I won’t fall.