The Wildest Heart

“No! You’ve gone mad, that’s what it is! You saw Pa shot and you’ve gone insane!”

She had flung her head back defiantly, but when I took a step towards her she shrank away.

“Don’t come near me! How dare you talk to me this way?”

“How did you know that Todd had been shot at? I’m warning you, if you won’t answer me, I’ll fetch the marshal here and you can answer his questions.”

“You’d do it too, wouldn’t you? You’ve always hated me!” Catching the look in my eye she bit her lip, and spoke quietly.

“I ran to the window first. Isn’t that the natural thing to do? When I saw—well, how can you blame me for being so upset? I grabbed my robe off the chair, and then I thought I heard footsteps, running! I was so afraid! So I grabbed up my robe and ran outside.”

“Where to?”

“Why do I have to tell you? You aren’t…”

“Go on,” I pursued inexorably, and she dropped her head sulkily, bare toes tracing a pattern on the carpet.

“How can I remember? I was hysterical by then. I remember screaming, and then I was just running! Away from that horrible sight, I guess. Upstairs. To Mark’s room, and I pounded at the door and screamed for him to come out until—until I remembered that I thought I saw him out there too. And afterwards, oh I just can’t remember! I think I sat on the floor, all huddled up, and I cried.” Her hate-filled look said to me, “Just try and prove anything different!”

“What clever lies you can dream up on the spur of the moment!” I murmured viciously, unable to help myself. Because she was lying, of course. I would have sensed it, even if I hadn’t seen it on her face.

“Why don’t you admit you don’t want to believe me? You’d like to get me out of the way, wouldn’t you? So you and Pa…”

“Do you really imagine I’d need to get you out of the way, as you put it, in order to do anything I please?”

Sick at her, and sick at myself for my lack of control I turned away and saw the bed with its rumpled damp sheets; covers kicked off onto the floor, pillows pushed to one side.

I walked towards it slowly, as if drawn by a magnet

Behind me, Flo’s voice rose hysterically. “Well? What’s wrong now? I was sleeping. I already told you that!”

God, but she sounded guilty!

The animal scent of their mating rose from the bed to assault my nostrils as I walked closer, bringing back ugly memories.

“Then tell me this. Did he fire that shot before or after? Did you watch him aim the rifle and squeeze the trigger?”

She put her hand up against her mouth, her eyes going from me to the bed and back.

“I—I don’t…”

“Where did he go?”

“There you go again! Attacking me! Flinging accusations…”

I was suddenly so tired, so sick to my stomach that I had to sit down. Not on the bed. Like animals… the thought went round and round in my brain. No wonder she didn’t want to go out with me this morning. She knew where he was and she knew he’d come, as soon as I was out of the way.

I sank down onto the small, plush-covered chair in front of the dressing table and rested my chin on my hand.

Thinking she had won some kind of victory, Flo’s eyes began to glow with hysterical anger.

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself! You have a vicious, evil mind! Even with Pa lying hurt you have to try and get at me, don’t you?”

“Oh, stop it, Flo!” My voice was quiet, but it stopped her in mid-sentence. “Do you take me for a nitwit?” I went on wearily. “I know what happened here in this room—on that bed. The whole room reeks of your lovemaking! How could you do it? How could you let him touch you? And especially after…”

“After what? After what? And you tell me something, you bitch, with your airs and your cold manners, how would you know what it’s like?” She spat the words at me, coming closer, her eyes gleaming with hate. “Ah, but you gave yourself away, didn’t you? Accusing me and pretending to be such a saint yourself when all the time…” She gave a peal of shrill laughter. “God! What a hypocrite! Wait till I tell Pa. Wait till I tell Mark! Or was it one of them? How many times has your bed looked this way and smelled this way, Lady Rowena?”

I looked back at her without expression. “At least I haven’t fallen into bed with a murdering animal. Where is he, Flo? Did he fire that shot from this window?”