The Wildest Heart

I was perfectly calm, perfectly composed. Only Mark knew what the man had actually told me. He was worried about me.

“Pardee was a sick animal. After what he said about Flo… Rowena, you know Uncle Todd would never have believed him! Promise me you won’t keep brooding about this.”

The brandy made me feel warm again and curiously light-headed, but I was still able to think clearly in spite of it.

“I think I must go away for a while. That invitation from Mrs. Poynter came at just the right time.”

“You mustn’t run away! Rowena, no one blames you.”

“You mean they did not say so openly. But those other men—the Texans who were Pardee’s friends. How do I know what they might not think?”

“You saw for yourself how angry they were! The man was a loner, they said. I don’t think anyone liked him very well. He was a boaster.”

“He was a human being, and I killed him.”

“Rowena, don’t!”

“I want to go away, Mark,” I said stubbornly. “I need to get away for a while. I shall write to Mrs. Poynter tomorrow.”

Nothing he could say was able to change my mind. Perhaps I was running away. Perhaps all I needed was a change. Too much had happened in too short a time, and a holiday would do me good.

Sixteen

A young soldier from nearby Fort Thorn brought me Mrs. Poynter’s reply, and within a week I was ready to leave.

Mark went with me as far as Rincon, where I boarded the stage that would take me to Fort Selden, a little less than a day’s ride away. We had a small escort of soldiers from Fort Thorn.

Our small escort of soldiers was in high spirits. Most of them were young, except for an older man wearing sergeant’s chevrons. There were four other passengers. Two men; one of them a small rancher, a young army wife, going to join her husband, and another woman, a rather hard-looking female of indeterminate age, who kept to herself, her big, flower-decked hat shielding her face.

Mark leaned forward and kissed my cheek, his unusual demonstrativeness surprising me.

“Come back soon, Rowena. And take care of yourself.”

The driver cracked his whip meaningfully and spat a long stream of tobacco juice into the dust. A last-minute passenger, a short man with a round moon face, shouldered past Mark and climbed in, puffing noisily, slamming the door behind him. And then we were off.

I was fortunate enough to have a window seat, and I leaned forward, waving my gloved hand at Mark. The young woman seated next to me smiled shyly.

“It’s hard to say good-byes, isn’t it. Mama cried all night before I left, and I couldn’t sleep a wink myself, although I’d been so looking forward to seeing Johnny again.”

“I’m not going to be away for long,” I said. “I’m only going for a visit.” I believed it then. How sure I was!

I had chosen to wear a discreet, dove-gray dress for traveling, its bustle not quite as pronounced as on some of my other, more fashionable gowns. Trimmed with blue, it had long, tightly fitted sleeves and a high neck, with tiny blue buttons down the front of the fitted basque.

I had coiled my dark hair at the back of my head, in the Spanish fashion, and the small, modish bonnet that matched my gown sat forward on my head, with wide blue ribbons down the back. I wore no jewelry except for tiny sapphire studs in my ears.

I saw the men eye me, and then turn their eyes away. I was Todd Shannon’s woman and half owner of the huge SD ranch. I think everyone in the territory knew it by now. How many of them also knew that I had killed Gil Pardee?

The young woman next to me was friendly. The round-faced man fixed his eyes on the disinterested-looking woman with the large hat, who continued to stare steadily out of the window. The rancher, for the most part, stared down at his boots.

We were an ill-assorted collection of people, I suppose, but I had grown used to that, after all the traveling I had done already.

The young woman, who said her name was Emma Jensen, apologized for asking me so many questions. But once she learned that I had already visited Fort Selden before, she wanted to know as much as she could about it.

“Johnny warned me it wasn’t goin’ to be easy. I mean, the heat, and the Indians, an’ being cooped up an’ all. But I didn’t care. Johnny and I hadn’t been married long when he was transferred out here.” She blushed. “I guess I miss him something terrible!”

The rancher lit a cigar, after asking politely if any of the ladies would object. The round-faced man, fixing his small eyes on the tall woman at the opposite window, asked if she was going as far as El Paso.

“Goin’ there myself. Have lots of friends there. You know Dan Sutherland? Owns the Matador Saloon.” I could not help admiring her self-possession. Taking her eyes from the scenery outside, she looked him over without seeming to, responding coldly that she didn’t think so.