I was still awake when Luz came back, tiptoeing into the room with her shoes carried in her hand. I didn’t know what time it was, but the moon had risen in the sky and no longer fell across our beds. I heard her fling herself down, and thought she sobbed softly.
In the morning, her face was sullen, and her eyes swollen.
“Luz? You look tired, and my hand doesn’t hurt at all this morning. Why don’t you stay in bed and let me help downstairs?”
“If I do not keep busy I think… oh, what is the use? You cannot possibly understand! I was so happy last night when he asked me to go riding with him in the moonlight, and then..,”
Her voice shook, and I knew I should leave her alone, but I could not forbear from prompting her.
“And then…?”
“Then—nothing! We rode, we talked, but it was I, as usual, who did most of the talking. He kissed me, after we had dismounted and lay side by side in the grass. And I thought this time, surely! This time he will go further than kisses, and I will let him, and later we will be married… but you know? Nothing! Sometimes I wonder why he took me from Montoya and brought me here! Sometimes I feel that she has taken all his manhood from him! I am a woman too, and more of a woman than she is, but he does not see me as one! At least—oh, God, at least Jesus Montoya saw me as one!”
I was alarmed at the high flush in her cheeks, and at the almost desperately angry note that had crept into her voice.
“You don’t know what you’re saying!” I said sharply. “I’m sure Lucas holds back because he respects you.’”
“Respects me!” Luz repeated the words in a voice that was high with hysteria. “Do you think that’s enough for me? Must I remain a virgin, wanting to know a man, and how it feels to lie with one, forever? Lucas knows that I love him and that I want him! I forgot everything that you told me, I could not be cold under his kisses, I showed him that I wanted him, that I wanted him to—but he would not. And it was not because he respects me, but because he craves her. Do you think I don’t know to whose room he went after he brought me back? When he went to put the horses away I went to his room. I took my clothes off, and I waited for him. Oh, God! Without shame I waited for him. I thought, when he sees me like this, he will not be able to stop himself, he will take me. But he did not come. And when at last I grew tired of waiting and started to come back here, I heard her laughter, and her voice, and his—in her room!”
We looked at each other, and I felt my own face flush with anger and disgust. “A man like that is not worth your love—he’s not even worth spitting upon! Listen, Luz, when Ramon and I are married and leave here, you must come with us. There are other men in the world
. Men who are kind, who treat a woman as a person, and not as a thing to be used.”
I went to her, and held her by the shoulders. “Put some cold water on your eyes. Do you want him to see that you’ve been crying? For heaven’s sake, have some pride! Ignore him. The next time he asks you to go riding, refuse to go!”
I do not know how much of my strong speech she comprehended, for in my anger I spoke in English, instead of the Spanish we usually conversed in. But at any rate she allowed me to bathe her eyes in cold water, and style her hair differently, pinned up on her head, with curls cascading down to her shoulders.
Like a child, Luz was immediately diverted by the sight of her own reflection in the mirror, and turned this way and that to admire herself.
“Oh, but you have made me look pretty! Like a fine lady—oh, Rowena! Do you think he will notice me now! Aren’t you jealous in case Ramon gives me a second glance? If only I had a beautiful gown, like the ones that Lucas brings her…”
I shrugged my shoulders in despair, but promised to see what I could do.
“Stay here.”
Boldly, I went along the gallery to Elena’s door and knocked on it.
“Come in.”
Her voice sounded sleepy, but when she saw me her eyebrows lifted in surprise.
“You? But you should not be awake so early. Oh, dear!” She stretched and yawned, and I noticed, unwillingly, that even in the morning light she contrived to look young and quite attractive, with her hair hanging loosely about her shoulders. She was alone… had I really expected to find him still here?
“I’d meant to be up before anyone else to help Paquita with the breakfast. But I suppose the men have all left already. Is there anything wrong, Rowena?”
I apologized to her unwillingly. “I’m sorry if I disturbed you. But I wondered—you’ve been very kind to me, of course, letting me wear your clothes. There is the pink dress you gave me. Would you mind if I altered it for Luz?”
The way her eyebrow shot up told me that she had seen through my silly subterfuge, but her voice was indulgent, and even slightly amused.
“Of course you may! It is yours; you may do whatever you wish with it. And it’s very kind of you to take such an interest in our little Luz. I’m afraid you must think I neglect her. Yes, really…”
Sitting up in bed, Elena frowned thoughtfully, as if she was really concerned, and yet I had the feeling that we still sparred with each other, as we had from the very beginning.
“I must tell that thoughtless son of mine to bring her some pretty gowns the next time he goes to Santa Fe or Mexico. And in the meantime, there are so many of mine that I hardly wear and might be altered for her.” Our eyes met, and she smiled. “There, does that make you think a little better of me? You must not think that I’m not fond of Luz.”
“I’ve never doubted it,” I said noncommittally, and smiled when I thanked her for her generosity.
“If you need anything, you have only to ask, of course. You are my daughter.” She paused for a moment and added mischievously, “Or my little sister, perhaps, since the shaman my father has adopted you!”