I remember that I lay there, on the crumpled blankets, and I told myself that I hated him, and myself as well. I had asked for this, I had come here after him, flinging myself at his head. What else did I expect? He loved Elena, and how sure of him she had been! She knew Lucas, much better than I ever did or could. I had merely made myself available, and he had taken me, just as he had taken Flo Jeffords, just as he must have taken countless other women. I shuddered with revulsion, remembering how I had almost pleaded with him for some avowal of love, or real feeling.
And then I told myself, stubbornly, that I was a Dangerfield, and I knew what I wanted. I would not give in! I wanted Lucas Cord, whatever he had been, whatever he was, whatever he had done. And I wouldn’t let Elena have him. I was stronger than she was, and younger, and we were both trapped here for the moment.
I stood up, flinging the blankets away from me, and I went outside. The thunder growled menacingly, amidst the throaty roaring of the water and the ceaseless chatter of the rain. I gasped with shock and cold as gusts of wind drove the icy cold needles of water against my body, drenching me within a second. He was out here, with a wound that had barely begun to heal. I felt alone, and frightened. Suppose he had gone? Suppose he had some secret escape route known only to himself and he had decided to abandon me here? How long had he been gone? Where was he? I began to inch my way forward, feeling the driving rain like so many tiny icicles against my face and my unprotected body. I clung to the side of the house for support and for guidance in the pale gray light.
“Lucas! Lucas, where are you?” I heard a pounding in my ears like a drumbeat and wondered why I was suddenly so terrified. “Lucas!” I blundered around the corner of the hut, and suddenly, thankfully, I felt his arms go around my waist as I almost barreled into him.
“You! For Christ’s sake, what are you doing out here?” But even while his angry voice slashed at me, he was dragging me with him, and we staggered together into the slight shelter of the lean-to, where Diablo was munching on his feed, wet coat quivering.
My teeth were chattering.
“I thought… you took so damned long!”
“Since when did you start swearing?”
“Since—since whenever I please! I’ll swear when I feel like it! Damn you, damn you!”
He shoved me up against the wall, pushing his face close to mine, his brows drawn together in a black frown. “You swear just once more an’ I’ll belt you across the face! What in hell gets in you sometimes? One moment you’re all soft and yielding, and the next you’re a wolf-bitch, all claws.”
“I can’t help it! You make me that way! And you swear all the time…”
“That’s different, I’m a man.”
“Oh! Oh of all the… the…”
“Why don’t you try shutting up?”
He was as wet as I was. Water dripped from his hair and ran down his face. Even his lips were wet and cold.
“Why did you come out here?” he whispered finally, raising his mouth a fraction from mine.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come back. You were so angry when you just stamped out, leaving me!”
“An’ how far did you think I could go? Even if I’d wanted to? You crazy female!” He kissed my half-formed, angry protest into extinction, leaving me out of breath.
“There. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
“Lucas…”
“No. Don’t talk. Listen, I only stayed out here trying to fix up a better shelter for Diablo. Been meaning to do it before, only I kept putting it off. Even had the hammer an’ nails out here, and the boards. See? Everything’s wet, but that don’t make too much difference.”
“And you chose to come out here in the middle of a storm to do it?”
“You better get used to the fact that I aim to do as I please, anytime I damn well feel like it!”
It was the closest he had come to commitment, and I stared at him.
“Very well. And you had better accept the fact that I intend to be just as independent!”
“I accepted that the first time I talked with you. Remember how mad you got? An’ then you came running after me like a fool, yelling out my name. Even then I didn’t know what to make of you. Still don’t. Look at you! Running out here in the rain, naked…”
“Don’t you like me this way?” He was leaning over me, his hands on the muddy wall on either side of me, still wearing that ridiculous yellow slicker. Laughing up into his frowning face, I put my arms around his damp body, pressing my face against his chest. “I love your body,” I whispered. “And especially when you’re not wearing any clothes.”
“You’re a shameless hussy!” I think he meant to sound angry, but his voice lacked conviction.
“And you can’t hide the fact that you want me in spite of it!” I teased, and could almost have sworn that he reddened with embarrassment. He wasn’t used to teasing, nor given to easy laughter unless it was cynical or bitter. I had already discovered this. Perhaps it was because he had never had the chance to feel young and carefree.
“I’ll be goddamned if you ain’t the boldest-tongued female I’ve ever come across!” he said threateningly, but when I slid my hand down his belly and touched him, I heard him catch his breath before he put his hands firmly on my shoulders and moved me aside.