Surrender to Love

“Good! And I am trusting, of course, in the way in which you have been brought up and the education you have received back home. It will disappoint me if you should show any signs of being patronizing towards a young woman who has not been fortunate enough to have gone back to England since her birth, poor child. And as for the kind of schooling she might have received, I have no idea of it. But if Sir John Travers is sponsoring her it must mean, I suppose, that at least she is presentable enough...”

“Yes, Mama. But I am afraid I do not quite understand if I am to make friends with Miss Howard or...or not.”

“Oh heavens, Charlotte! Don’t you listen to anything I tell you? If she has been accepted by the Governor and his wife as well as Sir John, I see no reason why you should not make her acquaintance at least. And I’m sure that I can trust you not to...well, not to be influenced in any way your papa and I might not approve of; and to find out for yourself if Miss Howard might prove to be a suitable friend or not.”

“Oh yes, Mama!”

Charlotte had found out long ago that it made life much more pleasant to say “yes” to Mama. Even Papa did so, and he was a colonel and used to giving orders. But now that she was seated right next to Miss Howard, what would Mama expect her to do? The seemingly self-possessed and fashionably gowned young woman who had been able to carry on an animated conversation with Sir John Travers and Governor Mackenzie could surely not be the same person who, according to the gossip that filtered down from upcountry, went riding dressed like a man and hunted wild game in the company of the young officers stationed nearby her father’s coffee plantation without the benefit of a chaperone? Used to her mama’s close guidance in everything, Charlotte could not help but feel rather nervous at being left on her own, so to speak. She was not used to anything or anyone out of the ordinary and had no notion of how to deal with Miss Howard and keep her mama happy at the same time, although she had to admit to a certain degree of curiosity....

Suddenly, taking Charlotte quite aback, Alexa turned to her with a bright smile that Charlotte could not know was pasted on.

“I’m so sorry if I have appeared rude! But this is my first experience of such a formal gathering, and I have not yet discovered what is considered correct and what is not—so I hope you’ll forgive me for introducing myself to you, since nobody else has troubled to do so. I am Alexandra Howard, and you...?”

Charlotte’s mouth had dropped open with surprise at such an unexpected and unconventionally forthright approach, and she cou

ld not help but dart an almost desperately appealing look in her mama’s direction before she managed to stammer: “I... Oh, I do hope you will not think... Since we are seated next to each other I should perhaps have made an effort.... I am Miss Langford, you see. Colonel Jack Langford is my father, and that is my mama across the room. I had been quite looking forward to making your acquaintance, Miss Howard, since we have all heard so much about you.”

“Have you? What have you heard about me?” Under straight dark brows Alexa’s storm-cloud eyes gazed with uncompromising directness into Charlotte Langford’s reddening face, never wavering while Charlotte began to stammer awkwardly again, her cheeks looking positively blotchy by now.

“I hope you did not think I meant... All the young officers who have been transferred here from upcountry are always so full of admiration for your courage and.. .and daring, you see, and of how well you ride and shoot...”

“How nice of them to be so flattering!” Alexa said in a noncommittal voice, discovering nastily that Miss Langford had particularly ugly teeth that looked yellow, and watery blue eyes that kept dropping before hers. How she hated gossip and gossips!

* * *

“They are actually staying with Uncle John—in his guest house! He is a good friend of her papa’s, Miss Langford informed me condescendingly. And I’m sorry, Aunt Harriet, but although I did manage to remain polite, I cannot like her. You should have noticed the way she kept glancing towards her mama for approval every second we were engaged in conversation; and in any case she has no intelligent conversation at all. All she does is quote her mama or pretend to pity me because I was never packed off to school in England as she was.”

Alexa had for once been relieved to catch her aunt’s imperative eyes and follow her dutifully upstairs to their rooms when Mrs. Mackenzie had kindly suggested that some of the ladies might wish to make use of some of the retiring rooms that had been set aside for them before the dancing began.

“You are going to appear fresh and sparkling when we go downstairs again, my dear,” Harriet had said firmly. “Some more of that rose cologne on your wrists and temples perhaps, but not so much as to be overpowering of course. And perhaps some rose petals rubbed on your lips and just a slight touch of vaseline to give them a slight shine; although you must never tell your mother I suggested such a thing. And let’s shake out your gown at the back...and yes, I noticed you were talking with the Langford girl—Charlotte, I think her name is. It might do you good to have a female friend of about your own age for a change, you know.”

Although Alexa had forced herself to be still and allow Aunt Harriet and the two attendant servant women to do as they pleased with her ever since they had come upstairs, she had found it harder and harder to subdue the rebellious side of her nature that was already simmering under the politely simpering, naive surface she was supposed to present. And then her aunt’s expressed opinion that she might do well to make a friend of Miss Langford had brought all her smouldering feelings of resentment tumbling out into passionate speech.

Her uncompromising brows drawn together in a dangerous scowl she was not even aware of, Alexa paused only long enough to take a long breath before continuing: “And what is more I could never even think of becoming friendly with anyone that silly—who is not capable of carrying on an intelligent conversation and thinks that gossip is a substitute. Why, I doubt that the poor creature has a thought in her head that wasn’t put there by her mama!”

Harriet, realizing the danger signals belatedly, said sharply: “Alexandra! You’d better wipe that ugly look off your face before we go downstairs, my girl, or you’ll be certain to give all the spiteful gossips such as Mrs. Langford the satisfaction of nodding their heads and repeating that you’re obviously unused to being in polite society. And that would be a great pity for all of us who have faith in your strength of character, as well as for yourself, don’t you think?”

Realizing that Aunt Harry had as usual managed to say exactly the right thing by subtly putting her on her honor while showing her a challenge at the same time, Alexa could only fall silent, gritting her teeth with the effort. Even if she could not make friends with Charlotte Langford or any of the other young women she might meet, she could and would show them that she, Alexa Howard, could play any role she chose to play and do much better than they could. Hadn’t she promised herself that she would be a success tonight and make all the nasty old gossips eat their words?

With a sudden whirl of skirts Alexa turned about to face her aunt with her scowl replaced by a brilliant smile.

“Don’t worry, Aunt Harriet. Tonight I promise I’ll make you all proud of me; and I won’t lose my temper either, no matter how provoked I feel. And what’s more I’ll be polite to everyone, even those people I don’t like; and I won’t appear too intelligent for their Liking either. In fact they’re all going to end up saying what a well-brought-up young lady I am—you’ll see!”

Chapter 6

As she walked downstairs again with Aunt Harry’s rather dour “Hmphh!” still in her ears, Alexa felt almost the same way she felt before putting her horse at a particularly difficult jump, or when she had to face a charging wild buffalo with blood in its eyes. “The only way to meet a challenge is head on,” Uncle John had told her a long time ago; and remembering his words, she lifted her head defiantly. Tonight was hers, and she would make it so— no one else could.

She looks as regal and as self-possessed as a young queen, my little Alexa, Sir John Travers thought as he waited at the bottom of the marble stairway. And so lovely too, reminding him for one painful instant, as her hair caught the dancing candlelight of the chandelier above, of someone else.... And then, sternly pushing that unpleasant memory out of the way, he returned her rather tremulous smile and lifted her cold hand to his lips in a courtly, old-world gesture of gallantry that came almost automatically at this moment.

“Ah...I knew that if I was patient enough I would be lucky enough to have the privilege of escorting both you ladies into the ballroom, where I’m sure your arrival is eagerly awaited. My dear Alexa, Mrs. Mackenzie is quite taken with you—as I knew she would be. And she is waiting to introduce you to all the latest arrivals. You will save at least one dance for your old Uncle John, won’t you though?”

Some of Alexa’s newly found bravado deserted her as they walked into an already crowded room where all the chattering ceased for a second as curious eyes were turned on them. She was relieved that Sir John had asked her a question, and said in a slightly panicked half-whisper: “I think I would like it above all things if I could dance as many dances as possible with you—and especially the first waltz—that is, of course if you are not already engaged to dance with someone important, like Mrs. Mackenzie, or...”

“But, my dear, don’t you know that tonight you are the most important lady present? And I’m sure you’ll have most of the young men here clamoring for the honor of a dance or even half a dance. Of course it would give me the greatest pleasure to have the first waltz with you; although I should not blame you in the least if you should change your mind, you know, and lose your heart to some dashing young blade between the lancers and a sprightly polka.”

“How could I? Most of the young men I’ve met are so silly, in any case, and I’d much rather have the chance of talking to you while we dance!”

They had come up to where the Governor and his wife were standing, and both ladies made their apologies, Harriet melting tactfully into the background soon afterwards with Sir John while Mrs. Mackenzie took Alexa’s hand with a smile and said kindly: “D’you think that I don’t remember how much time it took me to primp when I was your age? But you’re here now, and I’ll let you have enough time to get your bearings before we begin with introductions again. And if there is not enough time to get to all of them, well, it will be quite proper for you to agree to dance with any of the young men who might ask you, providing they ask permission of your aunt or me first— and depending on whether you think you might enjoy dancing with them, of course. If you don’t care to you can always make some excuse, you know. Tiredness or thirst or whatever excuse comes into your head first. I’m sure you’ll soon learn exactly what to say. But come along with me now and remember that there’s no need to be at all shy, because they’re all quite dazzled by how lovely you are, my dear.”