“And a child’s life too,” Ash says, sitting up a little straighter as her eyes meet mine. She’s the only one in the room to understand my situation, so when she speaks, I listen.
“You’re not staying silent because this is what you want. You think you’re being noble by sparing him the responsibility you believe he doesn’t want in his life, right?” she asks softly.
It’s not the only reason, but I slowly nod, finding it a little eerie about how dead-on she is about half of my reason.
“I’m a hypocrite for even saying this, but you should tell him. It’s the thing I regret most.” Tears glimmer in her eyes as she chokes back her emotion. “Tag is such an incredible father, but in the beginning, I never thought it would be what he wanted. I was you, Bella. I didn’t want to take away his fun life with the responsibility that comes with a child. And every single day, I live with the regret of that being the wrong decision, because it was. Don’t take this away from Ethan. Let him decide how he feels. Don’t decide it for him.”
And just like that, the rug is jerked out from under me. There was never a time that I wasn’t going to tell Ethan. I was just hoping that by some miracle, we’d be that family… Like Tag and Ash. Like Wren and Allie… Like Dane and Rain…
In my head, somewhere in the back, I was holding out for the possibility of that picture-perfect family. One where he loved me and his unborn child. One where this was all he wanted.
Telling him means watching his face fall as his future is ripped away. This baby means everything to me.
That hope for that family has been keeping me sane and warm. When the illusion finally shatters, it’ll be devastating, because I know we’ll never be like all of them. As soon as he finds out, that hope will be stripped away and I’ll be left cold.
Reality is colder than denial. It’s more commanding and harsh under the microscope.
The dam breaks, and I drop to my knees, crying once again as the weight of it all crashes down on me without mercy. They don’t even know why I’m crying, but they think they do.
I’m swarmed with arms wrapping around me, as the family I never had suddenly comes to be a sisterhood I never expected. And for the first time in my life, I fall apart in front of someone other than Allie, losing that last bit of pride I was clinging to.
Now I have nothing.
Chapter 63
ETHAN
“Misery loves company,” Star says as she sits down beside me and snatches the bottle of whiskey from my hand.
I haven’t had even a sip. I’ve just been holding it, staring at it, waiting to find what I loved about it so much. No luck. It’s the same whiskey I was drinking the night I destroyed everything Bella felt for me.
“No parties?” she asks.
“What are you doing back here?” I ask, staring out at my pool now instead of the bottle of whiskey.
“No one answered the front door.”
“And you took that as a cue to come back here?”
“Your car was out front. Has been for a few days.”
“Stalking me now?” I ask bitterly. “Pretty sure I made it clear I don’t want to ever touch you again.”
“Oh, that message was received loud and clear. And for the record, my mother lives two houses down from you, so no, I’m not stalking you. I’ve been staying with her.”
“Why are you here?” I groan, annoyed with her.
“You did pretty much destroy the girl you apparently care a lot about, and you used me to do it. Then you shoved me away while you chased after her. The least you can do is offer me a drink.”
I’d do anything to take that night back. “Did I hurt you?” I ask, even though I’m not sure if I even care if I did.
She rolls her eyes. “Physically, no. Emotionally? Yes. In my head, there’d always been something special between us. But that night, I saw the truth. It’s almost like seeing yourself in the dark for most of your life, and suddenly the light comes on and exposes all the flaws that have been hiding in the shadows.”
“What does that mean?” I ask, too exhausted and exasperated to just walk away at the moment.
“It means, I’ve spent all these years blaming myself for what happened between us.”
“You did cheat on me,” I remind her.