Breaking Even (Sterling Shore 5)

He frowns as he looks over at me, but then he turns his face back straight. “If she felt that way about you, then I doubt you’re doing her any favors by pushing her away. Because I can assure you a feeling like that doesn’t disappear very quickly. She still feels that way about you. Probably always will. If you give it up, you’ll chase that feeling for the rest of your life, but it’s really unlikely that you’ll ever find it again.”

Drama. I’ve tried to avoid it for so long, but right now, it’s in my every path, no matter which direction I go.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “No one ever is. And you get there with someone; you don’t get there by yourself. If you’re waiting until you’re ready, you’ll die waiting.”

I actually let that sink in, fully digesting that thought.

“What should I do?” I ask quietly when it all seems overwhelming.

His lip quivers again, and he’s forced to wipe a tear away from his cheek while clearing his throat. This is the first time I’ve ever asked for his advice.

“I think you know what to do, and I pray you make the right decision. I’ve always held out hope for you. You’re on the right path to recovery. Finally. I just hope you don’t wait too long. Life’s too short. Misery is eternal if you allow it to be.”

Life is too short. It’s a cliché line that almost everyone uses. I’ve heard it all my life, yet it’s never struck a nerve until this moment.

Misery. Not anger. No anger at all. Just misery. Painful, heart-wrenching, soul-stealing misery.

“When’s the last time you saw the girl?” he asks, turning his head to look at me.

“Four days ago,” I mutter shamefully.

I had a chance to try and get her back, and I know she would have caved after I brought her car home. But I didn’t want to use that against her. After meeting her sorry excuse for an ex, I don’t blame her for expecting more. She deserves it. I’ve always known that she deserves more, but I never thought I’d be able to give it to her.

But the smile she gave me when I showed up with her car... I wish I could see her smile like that every day. I doubt she knows about the fact her credit card debt is paid off. And I don’t want her to know. Yet.

She might kick my ass over that one.

“You’re smiling,” Dad says, and I turn to see the tears in his eyes as his own smile forms.

My grin only grows as I think about Brin’s temper, her feisty attitude, and her smile that is only reserved me. No one else sees that smile. They only get the generic smile that she gives everyone. She has a special one for me.

The misery ebbs with every good thought. She’s the misery. It’s all her. Not this. Not my dad. Not my mom. Not my guilt. It’s Brin that’s making me feel this shitty. She stole the place of my anger and replaced it with her own miserable trap. Ah, hell.

“I need to go. I’ve got something that needs to be done,” I tell him, and he nods knowingly as I stand.

The first thing I need to do is make a phone call, but as I look at my phone, fucking Hillary Barns’s name is flashing across my screen. Shit. I forgot I’m supposed to be having lunch with her to discuss Tag’s party since Ash hates the woman.

I’ll make my call after I make up some bullshit reason for being late.

***

BRIN

I pick up my phone the second I see Ash’s name. If she’s calling to set me up on a date, I’m going to hang myself.

“Do not mention a date,” I grumble by way of answering, and she huffs.

“I’m calling about Tag’s party Saturday. You’re still coming, aren’t you?”

This does not fit in with my plan to avoid Rye. Since he brought my car home, he seems to be avoiding me. If he’s avoiding me, then I need to avoid him.

I think.

Maybe.

Ah, hell. I don’t know what’s going on anymore. Up means down, stop means go, front means back... Everything is so confusing around him. Now not even my own head makes sense anymore.