From the Ashes (Possessed 2.50)

“It’s been nine months, and you haven’t contacted anyone, and you refuse their contact. They’re worried. I’m worried.”

She’s worried about me?

“No offense, but am I being punked or something?” I can’t help it. “You are the last person who should be worried about me.” I am not trying to be mean, I’m just not sure how to handle her being so nice to me after the torment I have put her through.

Her soft smile and pinked cheeks make me feel like even more of an ass.

“Landon and I are getting married,” Cecilia spits out.

“I know,” I tell her.

“You do?” Her turn to be confused.

“Cecilia,” I start softly. “I don’t need an announcement or some big-ass ring to tell me my brother loves you like crazy. I knew it from the moment you guys met, and I was jealous. Fuck, was I jealous. Never once did he speak to me the way he did you or show me his softer side. Hell, he didn’t show me any side but his business one.” I can’t believe I just confessed that.

“I’m sorry, Ashley.” Her eyes shine with pity, and that serves to piss me off more than anything could.

“I don’t want your pity, Cecilia. I’m sorry for everything I ever did to you, fuck am I sorry, but please don’t pity me. I deserve this. Everything that’s happened in here, I fucking had coming to me.” Tears clog my throat. “For the love of God, you should be rolling in laughter or something that this is where I am. You most certainly shouldn’t be here checking up on how I’m doing. You’re too good for this place!” I refuse to let the tears fall. I will fight them with everything in me.

“Ashley? Why do you believe you deserve this?” Her soft question has me holding my breath.

“I hurt you,” I whispered back. “You did nothing wrong, and I was so mean.”

“Why?”

I’ve thought about that. It’s all I’ve had to do since coming here. Why was I such a raging cunt? Most especially to her. I still haven’t come up with an answer, and it frustrates me beyond belief.

“I wish I knew. At first, it was to fit in, then it became second nature. Then Landon showered you with attention. I wanted someone to look at me the way he looked at you, and I didn’t have that. I wanted to have my person but couldn’t, and in the blink of an eye, you found yours.”

“Two-minute warning!” A guard calls out.

When Cecilia reaches for my hands, I flinch, but she refuses to back down. “You will have that one day, Ashley.” How I wish I could believe her.

Release Day

“Powers!” the guard calls. I’ve sunk into a deep depression lately and am barely able to tell one day from the next anymore. All I want to do is sleep. I have lost more weight than I have to spare, dark bags have set up permanent residence under my eyes, and getting out of bed is a chore I’d rather not do.

A kick comes from under me, followed by, “It’s release day, Malibu Barbie!” My cellmate is more excited than I am.

Yippee! I’m getting out.

Who the fuck cares?

Yippee! I can start my life.

What life?

Yippee! I get to face my family.

I’d rather get hit by a bus.

A lot of these girls are killers, armed robbers, hookers, junkies, and so many more things I’d rather not think about. They’ve had it worse than I ever will, so why am I having this ridiculous pity party?

Oh, yeah, I’d rather die than try to fit back in with my family.

This is a low point. I think it’s my breaking point.

A guard once told me that this life, a roof over their head, three square meals a day, and clothes on t