From the Ashes (Possessed 2.50)

Relief of the feelings that are soon to come from these kids.

Relief from all my failures.

Declan

“You did what?”

I cringe as Zach starts his tirade, zoning out almost as soon as he begins. He wants me to be effective, and Ash is a smart woman. She would have seen through any lies I’d told her, so I went with the truth.

Sighing, I’ve had enough. “Look, Zach, you asked me for help. She’s not some dumb criminal. She knows she fucked up, and she’s still paying for it. Let me do this my way, or I’m done.”

Cursing follows my ultimatum. “Don’t fuck with her; she’s as broken as they fucking come.” I don’t need his warning to know that.

“I got this. Untwist your panties and back off.” I hang up on him mid bitch fest again. I think he has a problem with control.

I have watched Ash for a week as she goes through a routine that prison probably helped her with. Going for coffee in the mornings then to the youth center for two hours. When she leaves there, she is almost always emotional and fidgety. She leaves looking wrecked. I think she’s taking on too much with this particular youth group. These are hard-core damaged kids. More problems than the most seasoned psychologist would know how to handle, let alone a dispirited woman fighting to find herself.

When she finishes up there, she spends time at a park, sometimes watching the families interact or laying on a bench staring up at the sky. Sometimes she just sits and silently cries. I’ve witnessed her do that twice now, and both times, I had to hold myself back from holding her.

I don’t know what it is about this woman, but she makes me want to rescue her. Even though I believe she wouldn’t let me.

By all accounts, she’s had a good life. Parents that love her, and a brother that appears to tolerate her. Friends galore. Though I suspect as with most girls like her, they hang around her because she’s the cool girl. I have to wonder if she has any real friends, someone she can confide in.

When she gets to the hotel where she found room cleaning work, she always looks ready to drop. Her emotions seem to get the best of her and cleaning dirty rooms after happy couples check out undoubtedly isn’t where she saw herself in life right now. When she leaves for the day, she looks dead on her feet. After working for twelve hours at such a physically taxing job, I can understand that.

I thought for sure during this week I’ve watched her that she would have had some kind of spa day or pamper herself or something, but she did nothing of the sort. Her file tells a story of a girl that doesn’t exist. Or, at least, not anymore.

I was led to believe that she was as high-maintenance as they come; however, she is anything but that. She’s a real girl in the real world with real-life problems. Honestly, I think I’m glad I didn’t know the other her. The one who was nasty and entitled. If I did, I don’t think I’d be feeling this attraction I can’t seem to fight. Even worse, I don’t want to.

There’s something about her that calls to me on an elemental level. From the first second our eyes locked after she’d given me th

e slip, I felt a jolt unlike anything I’ve ever known. I want to learn all her secrets, her hopes, her dreams. Most of all, I want to know what she’s hiding. Because after our recent encounter, I’m more convinced than ever that she is hiding something dark.

The question is: am I ready to find out the answer?

Chapter Three

Ashley

I guess I should have let him know I was working tonight. That I wouldn’t be finding out his name, and that I’ll ask Zach why he’s following me. I don’t want to meet him anyway. Yeah, right, it’s the lie I keep telling myself. He intrigues me, and that’s not a good thing.

I don’t need any trouble; I don’t want his kind of trouble. He makes me wish for things I’m not sure I’m ready to handle. Family. Hearth. Home. None of those will happen for me, and I’m getting used to it. Sort of. As long as I don’t think about it. And he makes me think about it.

These emotions are ridiculous. I still don’t know his name. I know nothing about him yet feel such a strong connection to him. I could ask Zach, except that would mean a ton of questions from him that I don’t want to answer.

Ugh!

Stupid attraction. Stupid perfect man. Why now?

I’m finally getting used to how life will unfold for me. This ridiculous dead-end job working in a cheesy hotel where couples come to rejuvenate their relationships.

I snort thinking about it. If things are so bad, they should seek counselling, not a legal way to cheat on their spouse. Yeah, that shocked me too.

I remember my second day there; I watched one couple enter separate rooms, and then other people walk in not long after. A little while later, the moaning and screaming and other noises began. Once the original couple came out, they started bickering even more about how they enjoyed sex with other people more than together.

Personally, not for me. Sex doesn’t do anything for me, period. I think I’m defective in that department. I’ve never gained pleasure from the intimate act. Whether with a man, woman, or by myself. Not once have I been left feeling satisfied. If anything, I felt empty. So I stopped trying long before I was sent to prison.

Just the thought of someone touching me sends a nasty chill up my spine. I had enough physical contact in jail with no choice but to let it happen. I dread when people like my mom decide I need to be hugged or given a gentle touch on my arm to show support that I don’t even believe they mean.