From the Ashes (Possessed 2.50)

sp; “Why did you forgive her? How are you even friends?” Amelia asked.

Grabbing my hand, Cec looked to the young girl. “There are so many awful things in this world. So many bad people. That sometimes we need to let go in order to be free. With Ashley, I saw her pain as my own. We connected in that way. Two years ago, her hatred nearly destroyed us both. When she hit her low point, and trust me it was nasty, I knew I had to be that person…” Her smile lights up the room. “I had to be the person she could trust to be real with her. I was her safe place. She pushed and shoved like a tug-of-war, though. It wasn’t easy, but so worth it.” Gazing back to the crowd she told them, “Just remember, that for every piece of pain and suffering you feel, there is always someone beside you suffering just as horribly. We all deal with it differently. We lash out, we suffer in silence–”

“We hurt ourselves,” I interrupt her. “And that’s what I did. I first hurt Cecilia which devastated my family and ultimately destroyed me. I shattered and crumbled before I finally became my own worst enemy.”

“What was your rock bottom?” a teacher in the back asked.

Inhaling and closing my eyes, this was the moment that would either resonate with these kids or roll right off their shoulders. “Prison.”

The murmurs sounded, louder than before. I can see some of the teacher’s eyes that used to know me, the old me, light up with triumph as if they knew I would end up there. Who knows, maybe they did. Some flash proud smiles my way, others had no idea.

“Why?” someone blurted above the noise.

I can do this. Deep breath, Ash.

“My bullying had always been verbal. I’d never crossed the line. I won’t lie and say I had some moral ethics that prevented it; I was vain. I didn’t want to break a nail.” My smile had some people laughing; Cec shoved me, telling me to get real. “Honestly, though, I had no desire to be physical. Maybe I was scared she’d fight back and kick my ass. As sweet as she is, she can make my big brother cower,” I mock whisper.

Getting serious because what I did was no laughing matter, I confess. “I tripped her down a flight of stairs. Encouraged the boy I was seeing to kick her. I was a complete and total jealous bitch, and frankly, I deserved to go to jail.” Now for the hard part. “Cecilia wasn’t the one to press charges, though. My brother did. He wanted me to own up to my life, to be responsible. So I went to jail, and for one year, I knew what it was like to be her. For one year, I lost everything I thought I was and believed I deserved everything I got.”

I have to take a break. It is overwhelming to speak to people I barely know about my breaking point.

“What happened after?” Amelia asked.

“After?” I ask wistfully. “After, I was once again my own worst enemy. I kept myself sheltered from people. Pushed my family away, and when things got to be too rough, when my emotions ran rampant…” Pausing, I grip my forearms, rubbing the scars. “I cut.” Pushing my sleeves up, I bare my soul.

“Then she met me.” That voice. Shivers rack my spine every time I hear it. My heart palpitates. My pulse races.

“Then I met him,” I repeat. “Where my family couldn’t break through my shattered mind, he did. He didn’t let me off the hook. He didn’t let me hide from the hard truths. He made me own my life.”

Declan’s hands land on my shoulders, rubbing down my biceps and up to cup my forearms that are still displayed for all to see. “I watched her struggle with her emotions, fight to keep everything bottled inside when she should have been yelling and screaming and fighting to break free. Except this hard-headed nut didn’t want to be a bother to anyone who loved her.”

“I won’t lie to you and say every bully and their victim end up like Cec and me. We’re one in a million. Fate brought us together at a time when we needed each other and didn’t even know it. What I will tell you is that if you’re the one bullying, it’s going to eat you up inside. It will make you sick, you won’t be able to breathe, and it’s not going to fix whatever the underlying problem is.”

Cec interrupts. “If you’re being bullied, and for whatever reason think you deserve it, you don’t. Never does anyone deserve it. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

“You guys only live once; you get that one moment to make a decision that will define you. Make that moment a good one. Make it count. Make someone count.” Relief swamps me as these kids, kids I used to be a part of, break out in applause and miraculously, a boy walks over to Amelia. I can tell he’s in pain as he says something to her making them both smile.

“You did so fucking good, cupcake,” Declan coos in my ear.

“Yeah?” I ask turning to him.

“So fucking good,” he murmurs, nuzzling my cheek.

Surrounded by the most important people in my life, a gymnasium packed with the next generation, and for the first time, I’m proud.

Proud of the life I’ve been given.

Proud of the impact I’ve hopefully left with these young kids.

Proud to be me.

The End