She shrugs.
“Are you waiting on my approval before deciding, Cali?”
“Not just that,” she says and looks up at me. “They work for the government. Secret stuff that they can’t really tell me about, and I don’t know if I can live with that.”
Gripping her hands in mine, I tell her directly, “You’ve always been unconventional, Cal. Falling in love with two men and living that life is something I can see fitting you. I will support whatever choice you make so long as you are making them.” I’ve always wondered if her wandering soul would allow her to settle down and have a family.
“Thanks, Noah. I needed to hear that.” She sniffles.
“You want me to look into them?” I’d like to know more about these guys for my own sake, honestly.
She shakes her head. “No, I don’t want to know about their past. It’s the future I’m concerned about.”
Before I can respond, Ember screams, and I rush to the stairs. I can hear my chair clatter to the ground as I leap the steps to my room. Finding my girl in the corner of the room by the window, her hair soaked to her skin with sweat and her body shaking, I take a quick second to peer around to ensure there are no threats before glancing out the window for the same.
With nothing out of place, I drop to the floor in front of Em and reach a hand out to her, gently grazing her shoulder and arm. Her flinch as she draws further away from me is unsettling.
“Em, baby, it’s Noah. You’re safe now.” My soothing voice must reach her because her puffy eyes glance up to see me, and the sheer terror in them nearly paralyzes me. I can only imagine what she’s feeling right now.
“Noah?” Her voice is hoarse from screaming so loudly.
“Right here, Em. Not going anywhere.”
She trembles, and large tears drop from her eyes before she jumps into my arms, nearly knocking us both to the ground.
“Make it stop, Noah.” Her cry into my chest makes me ache. It doesn’t take much to determine she had a nightmare.
“We will, baby. We will.”
I have no fucking idea how, though, and it makes me feel more than inadequate.
8
Ember
Time has no meaning anymore.
I sleep.
I dream.
I scream.
Repeat.
Terror and exhaustion are my only friends, and I’m slowly losing my mind. I’m in this terrible cycle in life. Noah tries so hard to comfort me when I’m unwinding. Sometimes he talks, others he’s silent and just ensures I know he’s there.
I know the stress isn’t good for the baby, and I’m trying so hard to move forward, but the more I try, the worse things become.
After a week of this destruction, I’m finally getting the help I need. Seven days isn’t long, but right now, it feels more like seven years, and I can’t bear to have another nightmare.
“So Ember, is it alright if I call you Ember?” I nod. “What’s going on?” Doctor Kimberly Paine comes highly recommended by the Victims' Service Center, and still, I’m skeptical she can help me.
Pulling at the loose string on my sweater, I snort. “That’s a loaded question.”
“Probably,” she agrees. “You can say as much or as little as you want. About anything.” She’s sure to meet my eyes when relaying that last part.
“I’m pregnant,” I respond with a frown.