Dear Gage,
I’m sorry. I’m scared.
Of life, of love. Men. My son hating me. Failing.
I feel like I could have this wonderful life if only I were strong enough to reach out and grab hold of it. I can feel it slipping through my fingers, and yet, I can’t seem to catch onto it.
Tommy is growing up so quickly, and if I don’t watch every moment, I’m going to miss everything. He talks about you, you know. You’ve been so good for him, Gage.
I’m going to believe in your promises. I’m going to believe in you.
We’re waiting for you.
Yours, Paisley
I didn’t get to make them mine.
Chapter Seven
Paisley
“That son of a bitch,” I growl for probably the eighth time in as many minutes. Tommy is back to being angry and confused. Anything to mask his pain.
We haven’t heard from Gage in over a month. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. He’s like every other man in my life. Telling nothing but lies. Making false promises. Building dreams, only to dash them away with the first opportunity.
I hate him!
Pounding on the dough for the homemade pizza I’m hoping will sooth some of my son’s temper, I realize I’ve overdone it and must start again. It’s not until I feel dampness on the tops of my hands that I realize I’m crying.
Not just for Tommy.
For myself.
For the life I’d begun to hope for. For the deceit I’d let him weave around me when I knew better. “Dammit!” I yell into the quiet room. My frustration and hurt getting the best of me.
The ringing of the phone startles me into screaming as my heart beats out of control. Once calm, I pick up the receiver. “Hello?”
“Miss Anderson?” It’s Tommy’s counselor. I really don’t like the woman.
“Yes?” I try to inject happiness in my tone in the hopes my child hasn’t done something else.
“I’m afraid we need you to come to school. Tommy has punched another student.” I can feel the judgment bleeding through her tone as she relays the information to me.
“I’ll be right there.”
I drag my feet after hanging up, the same way Tommy does when he’s in trouble or doesn’t want to do something.
Tommy
I made Mom mad again. She doesn’t even care why I punched stupid Andrew in the face. He needs to keep his big mouth shut.
“I just don’t understand, Tomas. Why is hitting someone your only solution?” I can’t look at her. I’m so mad at her and Gage. I don’t know what she did, but he stopped writing to us.
I thought we were finally going to be normal again. That we would have a family like everyone else.
I hate Gage. He tossed me to the side. He made me promises and then broke them.
“Tomas?” Mom’s voice is sad as she drives us home.