"That night was special to me."
She raised her eyebrows, but didn't say anything.
"It was wrong, but it was special."
"How was it wrong?"
"You were my best friend's sister. I shouldn't have--"
"I wasn't just your best friend's sister. I was your friend, too. How was that less important?"
"I betrayed Luke. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't have been with you, Jules. I wanted to. I... You don't know how often I still think about it." For a year, he'd tried to come up with ways to tell his best friend how he felt. Like, maybe if he went about it just the right way, things wouldn't result in all-out war. And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t destroy his entire relationship with her family—his family—if things went south.
But in the end? There was simply no way around it. The Hamdens were all he had, all he’d ever had, and to take a risk on Julie, when she was only 18 and he just a couple years older? There was no way two people so young could have made it work. And even if they had…
She deserved better.
It had been an agony, but he’d had to give it up. It was the right thing to do.
Julie had been better off for it, even if she still didn't realize it.
"I don't care how often you think about it," Julie said almost too quietly to hear. But when he did hear it, he knew it was a lie. "Make whatever stupid excuses you want. I'm sure you've justified it to yourself five ways from Sunday. You know what I’d really love to hear? An apology."
"I won't apologize for that summer.” He couldn't. Even in the years that had passed since, those had been the best nights of his life, just him and Julie alone in the woods.
He’d tried for so long to feel regret over starting anything at all with her. But then he remembered the way she used to make him laugh. Then the way she’d looked after prom. She'd been so beautiful in that dress of hers...
And when she let the ringlets pinned on top of her head fall to her shoulders?
That was the first time he'd ever truly loved a person. That night. With her.
"That's not what I want you to apologize for."
"Leading you on, then--"
"Not that either. Jesus, how stupid are you? You know, I have my own problems. I don't need you to come dashing back in my life and adding onto the list, okay? So if you're not going to at least--"
"Tell me, then. Tell me what I did." He w
as yelling now, and he took another step toward her, but she stumbled back.
"You were ashamed of me," she said
"What?"
"I came up to you and that stupid arcade and when I kissed you, you winced. You asked what was wrong with me."
"Your brother was right there!"
"So was the rest of the freaking school. I was humiliated." Her cheeks flushed beneath the streetlight. "If you didn't want to be with me, you should have told me. You shouldn’t have lied and said you would tell him."
"Julie--"
"You know what, this was a mistake. All of this. I don't need to go over the past or any of this other bullshit. It doesn't matter. Congratulations on your bar and don't ever come near me again, okay?"
She started off, and he took a few steps toward her and then stopped. There wasn't much else he could offer her now. Not much he could say. So he stood in the darkness and watched as she disappeared into the night.
Chapter Four