Her attempt to show him that she wanted him must have been so clumsy and gauche. She wished she had a tenth of the experience of the Fionas of this world, then it would have been so easy. ‘I would like our marriage to be a full one, too,’ she mumbled. ‘I can’t express it more plainly than that.’
Her shoulders tense, she turned, pushed her way through the limpid water towards the white sands of the curving bay. She felt like weeping. She’d imagined a very different outcome when she’d walked out towards him.
She’d offered herself to him and now he was acting as if he wanted her to change her mind, making it all sound so calculated and clinical.
A sob built in her chest, making her shoulders slump, but it changed into a gasp as he caught her from behind, twisting her round in a flurry of salt water, his hands moving upwards to position her head beneath his.
His sensually modelled mouth was a whisper away from hers. She felt her lips part, quiver, and time stood still until he closed the tiny distance and took her mouth with his own and then everything exploded with a hunger so savage it shook her to the depths of her soul.
The tidal wave of pleasure melted her into his body, had her clinging helplessly to him, drowning in a sea of exquisite sensation and when he at last broke the kiss he sounded as shaken as she felt when he told her, ‘I think we’d better go back to the house, don’t you?’ He released her hands from their stranglehold around his neck and she tried to get her eyes to focus properly.
His kiss had been everything she’d ever dreamed it would be. And more. But he had been unwilling to prolong it while she had wanted it to go on for ever. Had she been too eager? Did sophisticated women kiss differently?
But the look he gave her when he slipped an arm around her waist as they waded through the final stretch of water sent her hurtling back into a state of delirium, her knees almost buckling beneath her when he said softly, ‘I want complete privacy when I finally make love to my wife. I want a soft bed beneath us and all the time in the world to explore every inch of her body. To touch and taste and finally possess.’
She would never have made it back to the room she’d woken in this morning without his support. Her legs felt as if her bones had turned to wobbly rubber and her breath came in irregular, shallow snatches. The battle between paralysing nervousness and wild sexual excitement which was taking place inside her was pulling her to pieces, giving her a panic attack!
The bed had been freshly made, the remains of the barely touched breakfast removed and bowls of sweetly scented flowers adorned the bedside tables. But there had been far deeper changes than that since she’d walked out of this room a couple of hours ago, convinced that he was about to tell her their marriage was over.
Changes that were far-reaching, almost terrifying in their enormity.
Could she handle them? She really didn’t know.
She tried to breathe deeply to calm herself but shivered instead, and James frowned slightly, turned off the air-conditioning unit and said, ‘Get out of those wet things, Mattie, you look cold.’ He was smiling gently but his eyes were veiled. She couldn’t tell what he was really thinking. ‘Or are you simply petrified? Don’t worry, I’m not about to act like a caveman. We’ll take everything slowly. And if you change your mind, you only have to tell me. OK? Now,’ he added prosaically, ‘I suggest we shower the
salt off before lunch.’
He stripped off his swimming briefs and walked through to the bathroom. No false modesty, Mattie thought, her mouth dry as she watched, hypnotised by his potent male beauty, terrified by the strength of her love for him and the almost certain knowledge that when he did get around to making love with her she would be a huge disappointment to him.
She could hear the sound of the shower and she longed to have the confidence, the savoir-faire to strip off and join him. She gritted her teeth, willing herself to move, but she couldn’t and she was still there, her eyes wild with something like panic now, when he walked back in, towelling his hair.
He was perfection. Her throat closed up; she could barely breathe. Her face felt frozen.
He gave her a long, assessing look and tossed the damp towel aside. ‘This isn’t going to work, is it, Matts?’ He sounded weary. ‘When we kissed on the shore I thought it would, that you meant what you’d said. But right now, approaching crunch time, you look as if you’re about to be fastened into the electric chair. I should have remembered how you always fell in with other people’s wishes. Dawn’s make-over plans—’ bitterness spiked his voice as he went on ‘—my marriage proposal, and the restrictions I initially placed on it. My suggestion this morning that we consummate it.’
He was pulling drawers out now, eventually finding what he was looking for and flinging a pair of stone-coloured cotton shorts onto the bed. ‘As I said, I don’t expect you to do anything you’d be unhappy with. So we forget the whole thing. OK? I’ll move my gear into another room. I might want you but I’m not about to turn you into a martyr.’
This was dreadful! A tear streaked down Mattie’s pale face and the scalding heat of it reminded her that she was a living breathing creature, that she could move, she could speak. And she could be as honest with him as he’d been with her.
She couldn’t tell him the whole truth—that she was in love with him, had been for years. He wouldn’t want her to dump that on him. But she could explain everything else.
She said, her voice sounding quavery, ‘I’m not terrified of you. Or of making love with you.’ A faint flush crept over her skin and there was a prickling sensation in the most intimate parts of her body. Just talking about making love with him turned her on.
He had his back to her, the long muscles clenching as he fastened the waistband of his shorts around his narrow waist. She saw his wide shoulders lift in an uninterested shrug, as if he didn’t believe what she’d said.
‘To tell you the truth, I’m simply afraid of being one huge disappointment,’ she told him more firmly. ‘I’m completely inexperienced, and compared to—’ she couldn’t bear to say that name, to remind him unnecessarily of the woman who must be almost constantly in his thoughts, so she substituted ‘the sort of girlfriends you’ve had in the past, I’m no oil painting.’
There, she’d said it. Put her fears out in the open. And her words had grabbed his whole attention. He went very still then slowly turned to face her. Undoing the fastening of his hip-hugging shorts he let them fall to the floor.
‘Mattie,’ he ground out, his eyes dark, ‘if your mother were still alive she’d have a hell of a lot to answer for. You have got to learn to stop putting yourself down. Come here.’
It was a command, but softly spoken. Mattie went. His silver eyes held hers intently for several breathtaking moments before his hands slid to the button at the waistband of her skirt. Dealing with it, he slid the wet and clammy garment down until it pooled around her feet, then peeled off her damp T-shirt.
Did he realize just how erotic this was? Mattie asked herself wildly as he knelt in front of her, hooking his thumbs beneath her briefs and sliding them down her legs. She was quivering all over, tiny ripples that were more than skin deep, reaching right inside her, tightening, turning her entire body into a time bomb of need, ready to explode.
She had to hold onto his shoulder to stop herself from losing her balance when he lifted first one small bare foot and then the other clear of her briefs. His skin felt hot and damp, like oiled satin stretched over tough muscle and bone. She dragged in a rough breath and he looked up, his eyes locking with hers, a slash of dull colour highlighting his rugged cheek-bones.
They were so close. She was naked. He only had to move his head a fraction and his lips would be touching the soft swell of her tummy. The intimacy, the sexual tension, was pretty close to being unbearable. She swayed slightly towards him in instinctive invitation and heard the inrush of his breath rack through his lungs. Exquisite excitement fizzled through her veins. Surely now…