She had begged him to love her, she remembered, but love hadn’t come into it, of course it hadn’t. He’d had sex with her because she must have unknowingly sent out all the right signals. Saying she was ready, wantonly eager and more than willing!
Which had been all too true, hadn’t it? she thought in an agony of squirming regret. So she couldn’t blame him, could she? Any red-blooded male would take what was handed to him on a plate.
She was more like her poor mother than she’d realised. Molly Lambert had made love with an unattainable man and had never stopped to consider the consequences, living only for the next time she could be with her secret lover. So perhaps her father hadn’t been as much to blame for what had happened, after all. Maybe he just hadn’t been strong enough to walk away from something so blatantly offered.
She shuddered, absorbing the terrible shock of that shaming revelation, and Sebastian said, making all her nerves jump, sounding fully awake when she’d imagined him in a deep and sated sleep, ‘Cold, cara? Come, lie with me and I will warm you.’
Her face flaming with deep humiliation, Rosie pushed out tightly, I don’t think so,’ fighting hard against the tide of melting willingness that so recklessly flooded through her body.
She wanted a repeat performance more than anything else in the world and she didn’t know what had got into her, she thought wretchedly, feeling a huge sob build up, threatening to escape and display all her rampaging emotions to a man whose only possible interest in her was her perceived sexual promiscuity.
‘We need to talk. Nothing else, I give my word,’ he guaranteed, his voice more heavily accented than she had ever heard it before as he eased her back against the pillows and drew the covers up, tucking them around her quivering shoulders.
Rosie devoutly wished she could disappear off the face of the earth. He was going to make her promise never to breathe a single word about what they’d done; she just knew he was. It stood to reason, didn’t it?
He wouldn’t want anyone to know that the wealthy, respected businessman with upper crust connections had slept with the humble cleaning lady!
And she couldn’t stand her corner and come back with the information that she was the daughter of a knight of the realm.
She couldn’t mention that to anyone, not until she’d spoken to her father, and perhaps not even then, because he might not want to be reminded of past indiscretions, might tell her to get lost.
Besides, it would only make Sebastian hate her as the evidence of Marcus’s betrayal of his much loved aunt. And she couldn’t bear that.
Her toes curled beneath the covers, every muscle tightening in fight or flight mode as she waited for him to say something really awful.
Propped up on one elbow, he was looming over her and she turned her head away, her long hair spilling out against the pillows.
Dawn light was filtering into the little room and a glance at what she could see of his now quelling features told her that what he was about to say would be deadly serious and deeply unflattering from her viewpoint. She gritted her teeth. She would have to take it, get it over with, and learn a salutary lesson.
Above the rapid thundering of her heart she could hear his even breathing and wished she could be as composed as he so obviously was. When he said gently, ‘I have to go soon. Madge rises early and I wouldn’t want you to be compromised,’ her soft mouth trembled and tears stung beneath her eyelids.
He was a real gentleman. He wasn’t treating her like a whore or calling her nasty names, not even swearing her to secrecy for his pride’s sake. He was actually thinking of her.
Long fingers stroked a wandering strand of hair away from her brow then curled around her jaw, turning her to face him, his voice low and very thickly accented now as he stated, ‘You were a virgin. Rosie, I should regret what happened, apologise, but in all honesty I can’t. You were so—’ He paused, as if his aptitude for the English language had suddenly deserted him.
His fingers slid from her jawbone and tracked gently down the side of her throat. ‘Sensational.’
The intensity of his level silver gaze, the stark masculine beauty of his features, the touch of his hand against her skin, made her feel helplessly dizzy. He had said she was sensational. Was she really? He wouldn’t lie about it, would he?
Why should he?
She wanted to hold him, to wrap her arms around him and tell him how swollen her heart felt, swollen with so much love she could barely contain it. Already her breasts were peaking beneath the covers, the insistent liquid heat between her thighs tormenting her. But his next statement made her go cold all over.
‘As this was your first time, I don’t expect you’re protected.’
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes felt as big as dinner plates. She hadn’t given the matter of contraception any thought at all. Despite Jean’s opinion that she was still wet behind the ears she disagreed and thought of herself as being sensible and capable, but in this one instance she’d been so blown away—
‘Protection against pregnancy,’ Sebastian elaborated with soft patience, as if he had mistaken what was probably the imbecilic look on her face for incomprehension.
Wordlessly, Rosie shook her head, too ashamed of her reckless behaviour to say a single word. And shivered with mortification at his tone of self-castigating regret when he admitted, ‘Neither did I. It was utterly inexcusable.’ He swung off the bed.
‘You might be pregnant, Rosie. It is something we both have to think about.’
The rustle of fabric as he pulled on the clothes that had been rapidly discarded a few hours ago made her throat fill up with tears. And when he tautly reminded her, ‘We need to discuss the situation more fully—in the meantime, promise me you won’t worry about it,’ before leaving the room, she had never felt so lonely in the whole of her life, not even in those first wretched weeks after her adored mother had died.
‘Promise me you won’t worry’! How could he say that? History could be repeating itself and she had probably messed up her life! How could she not worry?
A quick shower. A rapid change of clothes. Sebastian let himself out of the silent house and into the early spring dawn. A long, brisk walk should help him get his head straight, confirm the decisions that were already beginning to take shape. Then, as he was used to doing, he would act on them.