Fourth Down (Portland Pioneers 1)

“I don’t know what it’s like to have your parents get divorced. You know grandma and grandpa are still married—”

“Grandpa drives grandma nuts,” he says, interrupting me. Again, he’s right. My mom is always whacking my dad with her handbag, the newspaper, or anything else she has close by, but they love each other.

“Yeah, he does,” I say, laughing. “What I’m saying, though, is I don’t know how to help you and your sister through this. I think we should see someone who can give us advice on how to cope with our feelings. I’m sure it’s hard to see your mom with someone else, and it’s going to be hard to see me with someone who isn’t your mom, but it’s going to happen, and I want to make sure you feel okay with it.”

“What if I don’t? Will you stop?”

His question catches me off guard. Will I? I find my heart seizing as I look at him. From side-to-side, my head moves slowly before I can get the words from my brain to my mouth. “If whoever I dated hurt you or your sister, I’d stop seeing them. I’m going to date Autumn and see how it goes, but I want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything.”

“What if Mom comes back?”

What a loaded question. How do I tell my son that even if his mother returned, it wouldn’t be to me? I don’t want her anymore. The damage she’s done to our marriage is unforgivable. I press my lips to his forehead and then pull him into my arms.

“I love you more than life, Reggie. I hope you know this.”

“I do. I just hate my life right now.”

“I know, Bud. What can I do to help?” I know I’m giving him the chance to tell me to stop seeing Autumn, but I don’t think he’d say this.

“I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”

Oh yes, the little con artist is back. I roll my eyes and tickle him, soaking in his laughs. “You gotta get to bed. You have a game at nine in the morning.”

He gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he’s gone, I go through his phone again, snooping like a nosy parent. I’m pleasantly surprised to find he doesn’t have anything downloaded that I don’t know about. Everything he found about Autumn and me is from Chatgram, which I’ve allowed him to have because he likes posting photos of him playing football, and I don’t want to take that away from him.

When he comes back into his room, I hand him his phone. “I went through it,” I tell him, wanting him to know.

“I’m not on anything I shouldn’t be.”

“I know, and I appreciate it.”

Reggie hops into bed, and I cover him up. “So, early wake-up. I’ll make breakfast, and then we’ll head to the field.”

“Is your girlfriend going to be there?”

“No, it’s your game. I’ll be there. And she’s really not my girlfriend. We just really like each other.”

“Oh,” he says, confusing me. Minutes ago, he seemed angry about Autumn. I lean down and kiss him. “Goodnight, Bud. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he says. I’m halfway out of his room when he adds. “She can come if you want her to.” I let the words linger in the air for a moment before turning back toward him.

“Do you want to meet Autumn? Your sister met her at the park a couple of weeks ago.”

“I dunno. Roxy likes her because she’s on TV.”

“Yes, but Roxy also likes everyone, so I’m not sure we can trust your sister’s judgment.”

Reggie laughs. “Roxy doesn’t like the lady downstairs who serves the ice cream because she never gives Roxy enough.”

“Point taken.” I lean against the door jamb, wondering if I should test the waters with Reggie and Autumn. It might be too soon for my son, whereas my daughter is ready to jump in with both feet because she thinks Autumn is pretty.

“Goodnight, Bud,” I say again.

“Dad,” he calls out. “If you want, you can ask her.” The mind of an eight-year-old gives me whiplash.

“Okay, I’ll think about it. See you in the morning.” I shut his door quietly and then cross the hall to peek in on Roxy. She’s at the foot of her bed, lying horizontally. I’m tempted to reposition her, but if she wakes up, I’ll never get her back to sleep.

I spend the next few hours picking up Roxy’s toys, doing the dishes, and listening to a podcast about being a better father, husband, partner, and person. By the time I’m done, I have enough time to shower and get ready for bed, where I plan to watch the news. Until meeting Autumn, I didn’t care what the weather would be like tomorrow and in the days to come, but now it’s all I can think about.