Fourth Down (Portland Pioneers 1)

“Peyton, I have a question for you. Earlier, I was with Julius, and he told me he had to sleep in a hotel the night before a game. I’m confused because they’re home tomorrow.”

“The NFLPA has some odd rules,” Liam says.

“The what?”

“The players association,” Peyton answers. “The day before a home game, the players must be at the field for a walk-through. It takes an hour. If the player doesn’t show, they don’t play tomorrow. The night before the game, they’re in a hotel, regardless of whether it’s a home game or not. All the players need to be together, and they’ll be bussed to the stadium in the morning.”

“But Julius was with me this morning. Reggie had a game,” I say.

“The walk-through was at six a.m.,” she says.

My mouth makes the “oh” sound without me saying anything. “I never realized how structured football was.”

“It really is,” Liam adds. “The NFL is working hard on cleaning up their image after a few incidents. Things used to be stricter, but they’ve eased up for the past couple of years.”

“I’d like to go back to where you said you were with Julius this morning.” Peyton looks at me with her eyebrow raised.

“Um . . .”

“Ooh, gossip. I’m here for this,” Quinn says as he leans forward. Liam and Peyton bust up laughing while I stare at him. He waggles his eyebrows and motions for me to start talking. I finish off my half-empty glass of wine and let the words tumble out of my mouth.

Twenty-Two

Julius

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a sleepless night before a game. If we were playing in the Superbowl, I would expect to spend the night staring at the ceiling, but we’re not. It’s a typical game. One we must win to keep a two-game lead over our opponents. And one we’re expected to win. Noah Westbury is having a career season and is one of the top-rated quarterbacks in the league. I shouldn’t be anxious or nervous about our game. Yet, something is on my mind, and I can’t pinpoint what it is. I want to blame everything on Elena, and I probably should. Each time she calls, she makes more of a mess of our lives than they were before she calls, and I’m left picking up the pieces of the kids’ broken hearts. Mine is well past the point of breaking. It’s on the path of healing and finding happiness again, thanks to Autumn.

Autumn.

Saying her name makes my heart race and my palms sweat. These feelings are supposed to be good, the type I should embrace, but the thought of her and me together is somewhat terrifying. There’s something there that I can’t put my finger on. I like her, and I do not doubt that she wants me—even though she shouldn’t after the way I treated her. Autumn is a forgiving person. That much is true. And as much as I want to be with her, I’m hesitant to pull the trigger. Each time I’m with her, I feel comfortable, and that scares me. I’m still married, and starting another relationship before I’ve even filed the paperwork on my divorce seems wrong.

The alarm on my phone goes off. I blink at the ceiling a few times before mustering the strength to roll over and shut the piercing sound off. Today is going to be a long day. It was vital for me to get a good night's sleep to be focused on the field. I don’t need another replay of my epically shitty game like last time.

My eyes adjust to the bright light on my phone. I have texts from my parents, Elena and Autumn. I stare at Elena’s name on my phone. When she walked out, I changed her name in my contacts from My Wife to Elena White. White being her maiden name. I couldn’t stomach seeing Cunningham after her name, not after she did what she did. I open Elena’s first because I already feel off today. I might as well let whatever she has to say to me make things worse and have my parents and Autumn build me up.

Elena White: I want to finish discussing this new girlfriend of yours.

There’s nothing to discuss.

It’s too early in the morning for her to be awake. I close this chat window and go to the message from my parents. It’s a video of the kids wishing me good luck today. Seeing them, happy and with smiles on their faces, brings tears to my eyes. I love them more than I love life and want them to be happy. I don’t know if I’m doing a good job or not. I don’t know if I’m on the right path to being a successful parent and guiding them through a divorce. I honestly don’t know much about anything except how to love them wholeheartedly.