Fourth Down (Portland Pioneers 1)

“You’ve convinced yourself that you would’ve acted on your attraction with Autumn. Do you know if she would’ve reciprocated once she found out you were married?”

I’m on the other side of the room now, looking at the inspirational posters hanging on the wall. “No, she would not have done anything. When she found out I had kids, she asked right off if I was married. Plus, my situation is easy enough to look up online, or she could’ve asked our mutual friend. Autumn has a lot to risk by getting involved with a married man—and I don’t think she would’ve taken the gamble.”

I finally make it back to the sofa and sit down. “How do I get past what I’m feeling?”

“Only you can answer that, Julius. I can’t tell you how to feel.”

“Am I wrong to feel this way?”

Eileen sets her tablet on the coffee table and then folds her hands in her lap. “Your wife asked for a divorce. You didn’t go to counseling or try to work things out. To you, the marriage was over. You moved on, which you’re allowed to do. Whether you date one person or many, sleep with one or all, it’s your business. You answer to you at the end of the night. If you feel like you’re in the wrong, stop and take a step back. Do you want to know what I think?”

I chuckle. “That’s why I’m here, right?”

Eileen smiles. “Yes, in a nutshell.” She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I think you look at Autumn and are afraid she’s going to be like Elena. In the back of your mind, she’s going to cheat if you get too serious and you’ve put a mental block up to protect yourself. You don’t want to get hurt.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Tell me, have you cried since all of this happened with Elena?”

I shake my head.

“I have an assignment for you. I want you to go home, stand in front of the mirror and talk about how you feel...and I want you to cry. Just let it out. Crying is good for the soul. It helps us heal.”

“Cry?” I question.

“Yes, I want you to at least try. And I want you to talk to Autumn, let her know what you’re going through. It’s important to be upfront with her or anyone else you’re involved with.”

“Yeah, I should probably call her. I’ve been avoiding her since we slept together. I know she’s worried.”

Eileen stands and ushers me to the door. “Communication is key, Julius. I’ll see you next week.”

“Thanks, Eileen.” I step out into the waiting room and then out into the hall. I pull my phone out of my pocket and text Autumn. I hope you forgive me for being absent these past two days. I had some things to deal with. I send the text and put my phone away without waiting for a response. If I were her, I wouldn’t respond.

Twenty-Seven

Autumn

I feel stupid for sleeping with Julius. For letting my physical attraction take over. I should’ve listened to my mind and heart because deep down, I knew neither of us was ready. It’s one thing to have a one-night stand, but it’s entirely another thing to think you have a connection with someone, do the deed, only to have them ghost you. This is exactly what Julius has done. He’s playing the part of Casper like a Hollywood A-Lister, and I’m just along for the ride.

I pick up my phone and look at the text from Camden. When I received it the other night, I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Weather channel has an opening. I gave your name to my boss. Send resume ASAP! The job is all but yours!!!! I don’t want to believe this can be real. There is no way the job of my absolute dreams is dangling in front of me. It’s been my goal from the start to make it to the national level, to be in front of millions of people, broadcasting worldwide. I’m young, I’m not tied down to anything, and this job would be a dream come true.

My phone rings, startling me. Camden’s face fills the screen. It’s a picture I took at graduation, the last day I saw him. We went our separate ways that day and had long since broken up but remained close. We both knew he wouldn’t be able to commit to a relationship with how much traveling his job required. At first, it hurt. When we started dating, I thought we’d be in it for the long haul. But even when I saw the signs that he wasn’t, I stayed, which was dumb on my part.

“Hey,” I say after I press the accept button and turn on the speakerphone. I’m in my dressing room, with the door closed, and don’t expect any interruptions.