“Let’s go sit.” With his hand on my back, he guides me into the living room. His sectional is massive and takes up most of the space. In my apartment, I’d have to put pieces in my bedroom, and there still wouldn’t be enough room for it. The open portion of the sofa faces the large glass door and balcony. From Julius’s apartment, you can see the skyline of the city. Red, blue and white lights from the tall buildings flash—a beacon to airplanes coming and going. Up here, it’s peaceful. You can’t hear the traffic down below or the voice that carries when people are out, walking back to their place after a night at the bar. On the wall is a large painting of Reggie and Roxy. They’re hugging and have wide, toothless grins. On the other wall, extensive cabinetry, which I’m guessing houses a television. Everything about this living room screams comfort, and I can easily see myself curled up on the couch, reading a book to Roxy.
I shouldn’t think thoughts like that though. It’s not my place, nor do I want the pain I felt yesterday to have a permanent spot in my heart. Roxy is another woman’s child, and the man a few feet from me is her husband. It’s best I remember my place.
Julius sits, and I make sure to put some space between us. My wall is up. I need to protect my heart when it comes to Julius. He clears his throat and looks at me. “I’m sorry for the lack of communication these past couple of days. Monday got away from me, between practice and the kids, and then I had a lot of stuff to deal with. I regret not answering your texts yesterday.”
“Apology accepted,” I tell him.
He moves closer to me, only for me to add distance between us. I hold my hand up and shake my head. “I like you, Julius. Lord knows I shouldn’t, but I do. However, this has been eye-opening for me. I know you’re busy, but I need a guy who will respond when I text or call, especially after we’ve been together for the first time. Not hearing from you was a gut punch. I’ve never been a one-night-stand type of person, and that’s what you made me feel like.”
“I’m terribly sorry, Autumn.”
“I’ve given us, this thing between us, some thought, and I’m not sure there can be an us until you get divorced. I don’t want to be in limbo, wondering where I stand in your life. I mean . . . you haven’t even filed yet, and we’ve slept together. The situation is making me feel very uneasy.”
“I understand,” Julius says as he moves closer. He reaches for my hand and picks it up. Our fingers thread together, and while my head is saying pull back, my heart is like, get it, girl. Damn, I want to get it, but the risk isn’t worth it.
“One of the reasons I didn’t text you earlier today is because I met with a lawyer here, who finalized my papers and sent them to a process server in California. I’m serving Elena with papers. We’ve dragged our feet long enough on this, and it’s not helping either of us. She’s moved on, and I want to move on. Being with you—it’s shown me that I’ve been hanging on by a thread to a marriage that has been broken for a while. I didn’t want to admit it until I met you.”
Julius studies me while I let his words sink in. I believe I’ve heard everything he said, but what sticks out is that he’s filed for divorce. I don’t know why, but I feel like a tremendous amount of weight has been lifted off my shoulders with this revelation.
“How do you feel about the filing?” I ask him.
“After I filed, I went and saw a therapist. I had put this off for some time, but she could squeeze me in, so I took advantage.” Julius shrugs. “We talked about Elena and everything that’s happened since she told me she wanted a divorce. We talked about the kids and how they’re coping, and we talked about you. It felt really good to talk to someone who doesn’t know Elena or me and who just listens and asks questions. At first, I didn’t think I’d be able to open up about everything, but after a few minutes, I let it all out. To answer your question, I feel relieved. It’s hard to grasp that your marriage is over, but this therapist said I’m doing everything right, and I’m approaching the situation without blinders. I know I’m not the perfect man or husband, but I didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and it’s taken me a long time to accept that.”