“Okay.”
“Were you attracted to me from the beginning?”
“Of course.”
“A true control freak would have attempted to manage my impression of her. You didn’t do that.”
I cock my head. Is he onto something? I want to hear more.
“Did you want to sleep with me that first night?”
“Of course!”
“But you didn’t.”
“No, I—”
“See what I mean?”
“But I was controlling the situation.”
“No, you weren’t. You gave up something you wanted that you could have had. How is that being in control?”
“It was… It was too soon.”
“According to whom?”
Good question. “I don’t know. According to the rules I set in my own head?” I laugh nervously.
“Bingo. That’s your illusion of control—those rules in your head. But that’s not what makes a true control freak. You control only yourself. A control freak takes charge of others.”
I drop my jaw. His words make an eerie kind of sense.
“What did you gain by controlling yourself?” he asks.
“Nothing. I mean, I made you wait, I guess.”
“You did. You made us both wait for something we both wanted. But you know what?”
“What?”
“I never doubted you’d come to my bed. And I never doubted you’d eventually yield to me.”
I cock my head. “You said I was a challenge.”
“Yes, and you were. You are. But I never back down from a challenge, and there’s not one thing I’ve gone after that I haven’t gotten.”
“So you’re saying…”
“I’m saying there’s only one true master of control standing here, Skye, and it’s not you.”
Chapter Eighteen
Braden’s voice has gone dark once more, and my knees weaken.
As wonderful as last night was, I will always crave the darker side in the bedroom…and thankfully so will he.
“What if I said I wanted to fuck you right now, Skye? Right here, against this pole that frightened you so long ago. I’d like to blindfold you, tie you to it, and take you from behind hard and fast while forcing you to stay quiet the whole time.”
I don’t even have to think about my response. “I’d say do it.”
He groans. “You have no idea how much I want to.”
“No one’s stopping you that I can see.”
“Only you.”
I widen my eyes. “Did I not just tell you to do it?”
“You did, and I’m tempted.” He grabs my hand and leads it to the firm bulge below his waist. “You feel what you do to me? What you always do to me?”
I nod, shaking.
“But if we go back there—back to that place we both desire—you will still want things I can’t give you. Until you can tell me why you want those things, I can’t go there.”
“I can live without it.” I gulp.
“Can you?”
“For God’s sake, Braden, I’ve lived without all of this for the first twenty-four years of my life. I’ve had sexual relationships before. Satisfying sexual relationships.”
He wraps his arms around me, pinning me to the scarecrow post. “As satisfying as ours?”
My body is jelly. Total jelly. I’ll yield to him any way he wants right now. “Well…no. But that’s because I love you. I didn’t love any of them.”
“Is that the only reason?”
I don’t reply right away. Instead, I reach forward, squeeze and rub his erection.
He whisks my hand away. “Stop it, Skye.”
“We both want it.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“Why? I can live without the choking, okay?” I gasp back a sob. “I don’t know why it spoke to me so much. Maybe if I knew why you won’t—”
He places his fingers over my lips. “Knowing my story won’t change yours.”
“But—”
“It won’t, and it shouldn’t.”
I don’t reply.
“This place doesn’t scare you anymore.”
“No.” I give him a mischievous smile. “It would scare me less if you fucked me here.”
He touches my cheek. “Nice try. Let’s go back now. I’ll buy you lunch in town, and then I need to get on my way to New York.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too. Take some time for yourself. I’d like you to be able to answer my question when you return to Boston.”
I nod. “I will, Braden. I promise.”
It’s a promise I’m determined to keep.
…
After a delectable lunch of pasta at Luigi’s, Braden’s ride came for him and he drove off. I stood on Main Street in front of the red brick hotel and watched the car until it was no longer visible.
Hope fills my heart. We can work this out. I know we can now, because I know he wants it as much as I do. I just need to give him an answer to his question. I stroll along Main Street for a few minutes, taking in the sights. Two years have passed since I’ve been here, and though it still looks like a small town straight out of the 1950s, I notice one small change. What used to be the Tabor Brooke Law Office now has a different tenant. Rosa Brooke, Family Therapist. Tabor Brooke’s daughter.
Hmm.
I know Rosa. She and I went to high school together. She was a townie. One of the beautiful people and a cheerleader, but she was always nice to me despite my being a rural kid. Maybe she’d be willing to chat about my…issue.