The Fake Girlfriend Rules

“I need a favor. I know it sounds weird, but I need you to be my pretend girlfriend tomorrow night for the business dinner. Jim says that the movie producer is a huge romance fan, and she's the one who planned this dinner for all of us. Her husband, Jim's wife, and.. .” He pauses, giving me a big, please help me, smile. “My girlfriend—you.”

I stare at him in utter disbelief. How could he ask me to do this? On what planet does he think I'll just act like we're dating? And who would even believe it?

I'm not going to make out with him, or snuggle him, or do all those little things a couple does. Because we'd be lying. I don't think I can carry out a lie like that.

And what if I enjoy it?

“Doug—”

“Just hear me out, Lyl. It's one dinner, that's it. I'm not asking you for anything more than that. Just come with me, look at me every so often, and smile like we share more than an apartment together.”

I rest my chin on the back of my hand, not even able to blink. Shock is holding me still, making it hard to think clearly at all. I've fantasized over the years about what it would be like if we were closer than just friends, but actually taking that step, even if it's just an act, I don't think I can do it. It's dangerous.

Don't do it. You're not comfortable, so tell him no way.

“No, no, I can't do it. I need to find a new job. I need to get my life back on track. I can't waste a single second on anything else, especially on playing pretend.”

“Lyl, please. Jim said if I don't show up with someone, that if I show up alone, I can consider myself unemployed. We both need this right now—both of us. I need your help. So long as I have my job, you can take your time to find a new one for yourself. But if I get fired, then we lose everything we have.”

I purse my lips as his words settle in my head. Is this a guilt trip? It's a fleeting thought that dissolves as quickly as it comes. Doug isn't someone who would force me to do something using guilt.

He's right. If he loses his job, we're both screwed. He needs me. How selfish would I be to say no? Doug has always been there for me, it's only fair that I return the favor. A friendship goes two ways, it can't be one sided.

Besides, it's not like he's asking me to do something crazy like have his baby. He's only asking me to pretend to be his girlfriend for a night. This is an easy task. I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me. We can pull this off without an issue.

“Fine, I'll do it.”

“You will?” he asks surprised. His eyes pop open big as saucers, and his chin jets out to the side. “You're not screwing with me?”

“I'm not screwing with you. I'll do it. You need me, and I'm going to be there for you.”

“Oh my God, thank you,” he says excitedly. “You're a life saver.”

“But,” I say sharply, expanding my eyes so he knows I'm serious, “there's going to be rules.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah, rules. No kissing, no sex, nothing that's going to make our friendship awkward at all. Because once we cross that line, there's no going back. Can we agree on that?”

“Yeah, of course, those are easy rules.” Doug flashes his bright white teeth as he smiles and asks, “But we do need to make it look real. Would you be all right with holding hands and maybe a kiss on the cheek or something?”

Angling my head, I frown.

He quickly says, “I just want us to look as natural as possible. If we're both stiff and awkward, we'll never pull it off. It's just pretend, and we won't do anything more than that. Just small stuff to make us look like a couple.”

That's fair.

If we show up to dinner and look uncomfortable, it might throw up red flags, and then the whole dinner could be ruined. And with that, so would his career. I don't want to be the reason he loses his job. If this is what he needs, the least I can do is help.

“Fine, but that's it. We do the bare minimum to make them believe we're together.”

“You fucking rock.” He chugs his beer, then calls to the waitress for another. “You really are saving my ass here.”

“Yeah, well, if this is what it takes to help keep the roof over our heads, I'll do it. I don't want to see you lose your job over something stupid either. I can be your date.” I sip my beer, then pick at the fries on my plate. “I can't believe I'm agreeing to this, though. It's crazy. You know that, right? This is probably the craziest thing we've ever done?”