The Fake Girlfriend Rules

“Lyllian, that's not going to happen to us.” He reaches over and takes my hand. “It'll never be us.”

“You don't know that, Doug. My biggest fear is more loss. That's why I've resisted every desire I've ever had for you. That's why I hid behind walls. I never wanted to fuck up what we shared. You were too important to me to mess it up with all this shit. We screwed everything up.”

“Nothing is screwed up, we're still the same people we were before. I feel the same about you now as I did. This didn't change my view of you. We're still the same.”

“Are we, Doug? Can you look me in the eyes and say you don't think anything changed?” I face him head on, my eyes wide open. “Look me in the eyes and tell me it feels the same now.”

He squeezes my hand, his eyes steadying on mine. He doesn't blink, he doesn't look away, he just looks at me firmly in the eyes. “Nothing's changed, Lyl. This can't ruin us. We have too much of a past, too much history to ever let anything divide us.”

“I'm not so sure of that. Nothing scares me more than losing the only person I've ever—”

“Loved,” he says, finishing my sentence.

I dart my eyes away and swallow hard. I've never told him I love him. I always kept my feelings a secret all these years. This fear has kept me silent. It’s been stopping me from opening up and being honest with him.

His hand tightens around mine, his eyes serious. “Say it, Lyl.”

The tone of his voice causes my body to shiver. I look up at him, my lips unable to form the right words. I want to say it, but I can't. No matter how much the words sit on the very tip of my tongue, I can't push it out.

“Say it. Say it so I can hear you.”

Tears fill my eyes, gliding down my cheeks without pause. “I can't.”

“Yes you can. Say it, Lyllian. I need to hear you say it.”

I inhale a deep breath, and as I exhale, I let my voice come through. “I love you.”

Doug's hands sweep around my face, pulling me in for a kiss. “I love you too,” he says. His eyes are so big and bright as he kisses me again. “I love you, I've always loved you. I could never hurt you. There's no way I'd trade a single day of my life with you for anything else. If I had to walk away from everything right now, just to have you, I would. I would do that because you mean so much more to me than any job. I'd risk everything for you, Lyllian. Everything.”

“You're really serious?” I say as I look at him.

“Of course I am. I'd follow you to the end of this earth, Lyl. Why do you think you haven't been able to get rid me yet?”

I giggle as I reach out and touch his face. I run the tips of my fingers up the curve of his jaw and rake them through his hair. “I can see it now. I've always felt something, but was too blind and scared to let it in. But now, now that my eyes are open, I can see it. I can see you.”

“I'll never leave you, Lyl. I'll always be by your side. If you've ever questioned where you stand in my life, I want you to know the truth. You've always come first. First before school. First before partying. First before my career. You never have to worry about being alone or getting left behind. I know how hard your parents splitting was on you, and I'd never ever put you through that. I always want you right here, right by my side, right where you've always been. You belong with me. I think that's why we've been this close all our lives.”

“Why did it take us this long to finally be honest with each other?” I ask as he pulls me in closer and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“Because we weren't ready before, and now we are. Life isn't something you can always map out. I know how much you love rules, maps, directions, and all the things that create a straight path with as little risk as possible. But you can't map out love, Lyl. Love finds you, and it works the way it wants to.”

I'm looking up at him, and I'm in awe. He's perfect. How could I have been so afraid to let this man in for so long? Why did I drown these feelings inside, never giving them light? I kept them in the darkness, refusing to acknowledge their very existence.

I kiss him softly, letting my lips linger for a long second. “I love you more than you'll ever know.”