The Girl Who Always Wins (Soulless 13)

“Atlas—”

“Don’t fucking Atlas me.” He got to his feet and stepped away, like he needed distance so he wouldn’t scream at me. “You organized a fucking task force so you can rip my balls open and try to understand what’s wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Whoa… I did not expect this reaction. “That’s not what we’d be doing—”

“I can’t have children.” Nostrils flared, his eyes wide, he looked maniacal.

“Doctors are—”

“I can’t have children. You need to get that through your big-ass brain, alright? It’s not going to happen.”

“Or maybe you just haven’t found the solution. My dad is the smartest person I know. Together, maybe we can figure it out. What’s the harm in at least trying?”

“The harm?” he asked incredulously. He dropped into the armchair across from me. “I spent years doing these fucking tests. Never got the news that I wanted. Kept trying anyway…and had miscarriage after fucking miscarriage. I had to sit there and watch my wife go through that over and over again. And you want to subject me to that cruelty again? For no reason?”

“It’s not for no reason—”

“You’re fucking unbelievable.” He pushed back into the chair, his leg crossed, his eyes vicious. “I told you to think about this. I told you to be sure this is something you could handle—to be with a man who can’t give you the life that you want. And you fucking looked me square in the eye and said yes.”

“And I still feel that way—”

“Obviously, you don’t.” He threw his arms down. “You’re going to subject me to this fucking humiliation? In front of your own fucking family? You’re going to make me go through this because my word isn’t enough for you? I spent years doing this. I’ve seen so many other doctors. I’ve done so many tests. If it were possible, my wife and I would have accomplished it, but it was fucking impossible. I finally got to a place of real happiness because I thought I’d found a woman who loved me anyway, who accepted me as I was, with whom I would adopt children and love them like our own. But that was a goddamn lie.”

I’d never seen him act this way, and I didn’t know what else to do besides stay calm. “You misunderstand me, Atlas. Adopting children to grow our family is perfectly fine with me. But that doesn’t mean we can’t see this through. It’s not even for us to have children together, but for you to know that this is an option for you.”

He shook his head, his jaw clenched.

“I’m an investigative diagnostician. Just because other doctors say no doesn’t mean I accept that answer. Not until I know myself. Not until I see for myself. And if we can figure this out, imagine how this breakthrough will help millions of people like you, people who are told they can’t have children—”

“This isn’t going to work.” Now, when his voice emerged, it was calm, it was quiet. It was like a spooky forest, so quiet that it made all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. His head was down, his eyes directed to the rug beneath his feet.

“Maybe it won’t work. It’s perfectly fine if it doesn’t. But we have to try—”

“No.” He lifted his chin and looked at me. “Us. It’s over.”

My posture stiffened, all the muscles in my back contracting uncontrollably. I suddenly became tense, my knuckles aching. A breath came in. A breath went out. But it was so loud in my ears, like I wore a biohazard mask. “What…?”

“You heard me.”

“Atlas—”

“You don’t accept me as I am. You don’t accept the hand I’ve been dealt. You still hope that all those doctors were wrong and we’ll be able to conceive naturally.” He shook his head. “What happens when these tests determine what I’ve already told you?”

“Then we adopt—”

“Then you leave.”

“I’m not going to leave—”

“Yes, you will.”

My eyes started to water. “I would never do that to you—”

“Then you’ll stay out of obligation and resent me for the rest of our lives.”

“No—”

“I gave you my conditions. If you want to be with me, that’s what you’re going to get. The fact that you went behind my back and roped your family into this bullshit—”

“Behind your back? I’m just trying to help you!”

“I wouldn’t need help if I was fine the way I am—and clearly I’m not. At least not for you.”

“You’re completely misinterpreting what I mean.” Tears streaked down my cheeks.

“So fucking insensitive…putting me through all of that when I already did it once before.”

“It would be different this time—”

“Because the Hamiltons are coming to my rescue?” he asked viciously. “I don’t need to be saved. I need to be accepted as I am—which you can’t do.”

“I do accept you—”