Our research findings were forgotten the next day.
When I had to take her to the obstetrician.
There was nothing to do at the hospital since we had to wait to see how the medications were working, and there was no reason to be at the lab either because I was confident that this was the answer we’d been searching for.
So, I stayed home.
And waited.
To keep myself busy, I picked up some groceries and prepped a couple meals. I made snacks for the house because I wasn’t a fan of takeout, but I didn’t have the time to change that. If I weren’t a physician, I would probably be a chef. But I already washed enough beakers in the lab. Couldn’t imagine doing all those dishes all the time.
When the alarm went off on my phone, I knew it was time.
I left our penthouse and went to her office.
She was behind her desk in the office that had once belonged to me, looking over a mountain of paperwork that used to be my problem. She seemed to have forgotten the time because she didn’t look ready to leave.
“Ready to go, baby?”
The sound of my voice shattered her concentration. “Shit. What time is it?” She looked at the corner of her computer.
I wished I were as relaxed as she was about the whole thing.
She left her things as they were and grabbed her jacket before we walked out together. “How are things at the hospital?”
“I didn’t go in. We’re waiting for results, so I stayed home.”
“Oh. What’d you do?”
“Did some cooking.”
“Ooh…what did you make?”
“Meals for the week. And some muffins for you.”
She grabbed my hand as we stepped outside. “You’re so the one for me.”
I wished I could mirror her optimism, but I just couldn’t. I opened the passenger door for her.
She didn’t get in. Instead, she stared at me. “Atlas, everything will be fine—”
“Let’s just get going.”
“If I weren’t going to be fine, it would have happened by now—”
“I really don’t want to have this conversation on the sidewalk right now.”
She flipped her hair and got into the passenger seat.
In silence, we drove to the doctor’s appointment across town and parked in the underground parking garage. After a short walk and a check-in, we ended up in the same exam room we’d been in before, Daisy prepped for the ultrasound.
The anxiety had returned—worse than ever before.
She didn’t try to make me feel better with small talk.
I preferred the silence anyway.
My thoughts horrified me, but they were better than false hope.
Dr. Jamil came in a moment later, greeted us, and then got to work. The lubricated probe was placed against her stomach, and he searched the screen for information.
Daisy looked at me. “Atlas.” She extended her hand to me, wanting me to take it, for me to stand beside her and be a part of this.
I knew how this would end, but I couldn’t let her go through it alone. I had to be there for her, to cry as I watched her cry, to support her as the world came crashing down. Grief like she’d never known was about to strike her down.
I came to her side and grabbed her hand.
She smiled.
Dr. Jamil moved the screen, took screenshots, and then paused the image. “You see that.”
I’d seen it a second ago, but I couldn’t believe what my eyes tried to tell my brain.
A strong and racing heartbeat.
The baby was still there.
Daisy squeezed my hand. “Oh my god…look at that.”
I couldn’t believe it. They were still fighting, still holding on.
“Everything looks normal,” Dr. Jamil said. “Everything is developing as it should. Daisy’s blood work looks good…”
“The baby is developing…?”
“Yes.” He zoomed in, getting a better picture. “Arms, legs, hands, feet, fingers…you can see it right here.”
My hand lost all its strength and dropped Daisy’s. I could see the picture right in front of me, but I moved closer, to get a better view of something I could see clearly with 20/20 vision. “I…” Tears moved into my eyes because this was real. My baby made it past the development stage, had grown into a small person, had fingers…toes. They had everything they needed to grow… Nothing was missing.
Dr. Jamil silently excused himself from the room.
I turned the monitor closer to me and examined it, going into doctor mode, grabbing the chart and looking through her labs. My eyes watered more because everything in front of me told me this was a normal pregnancy, that all of her figures were in normal range. Before I knew it, there were tears on my cheeks.
“Atlas.”
A couple drops splashed onto the paperwork on the clipboard.
“Atlas…” Her voice broke, full of tears.
I finally had the strength to look at her, to look at the woman who’d managed to beat the odds and give me something that every doctor said couldn’t be done. They said there was something wrong with me…but she fixed it.