I pull my arm out of his hold. He’s obviously seen the papers over the weekend, and I’m getting the sense he’s maybe using this as a way to draw me closer to him. Whatever he’s doing, I’m not into it. “I’m fine, Boston. Don’t believe everything you read in the paper.”
My tone is cool, and he doesn’t miss the chill. His eyebrows pull together as he says, “I don’t, but I’m not sure how a kiss can be anything but a kiss, Lorelei.”
“Oh, with Cassia Brampton it can certainly be something other than a kiss. Trust me. But I don’t want to discuss that. I want to discuss what happened the last time we saw each other.”
He nods, and I’m struck by the expression on his face. It’s not the kind of expression a man wears when he knows he’s about to be given news he won’t like. No, Boston seems assured. Confident. He appears to truly believe it’s only a matter of time before we get back together. I’m going to have to be extremely firm with him today.
“Let’s go grab a coffee while we talk,” he suggests.
Sienna joins us, her purse in hand. “I’m gonna give you guys some space.” Eyeing me, she adds, “Just message me once you’re finished.”
As she exits the office, I give my full attention back to Boston. “We don’t need to grab a coffee to discuss this. There’s not much to say except that I don’t want to see you again.”
He looks at me with confusion. “You don’t mean that. We’ve got history that means something to both of us. I should never have left after that fight we had, but I think we both needed that time so we could realise we belong together.”
I don’t like hurting people, so it is hard for me to say what I need to say to him. But I have to do this for Ashton and me. “Boston, I don’t love you. I’m sorry if that hurts to hear, but it is the truth. I thought I said no to marrying you because I was afraid of losing you, and while that was true, I understand now that it wasn’t the full reason. I couldn’t marry you because you weren’t the right man for me. I know that now because I’ve met the right man. Being with him is completely different to being with you, and the reason for that is because I love him with every piece of myself. I’ve tried to hold some of myself back from him because that’s what I do with everyone, but the fact he’s managed to open me up in the way he has tells me everything I need to know. Ashton is my soul mate.”
Boston stares at me in silence for a long few, painful moments. I feel good that I’ve been honest, but at the same time, it’s painful for both of us. Finally, he says, “I knew you kept some parts of yourself closed off, but I also thought you loved me enough that you’d eventually share them with me. I guess I was wrong about that. You didn’t love me enough.”
The ache in his voice hits me in the gut. He’s not right, though. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t love him enough; the problem was we weren’t meant to be together. It doesn’t matter how much you try to love someone and make it work with them if they aren’t the one for you. Love is always hard, but with your soul mate, it’s the kind of hard that even when you’re exhausted by it, you still cling to each other in the dark of the night. Maybe not physically, but always emotionally. You don’t fight simply to prove a point; you fight to hold onto the love you share. And when you’re separated, your heart is unbearably heavy. The fact I never experienced these things with Boston is how I know I’m right.
There’s no point trying to explain all of that to him. He’s not in the right place to hear it now. My hope is that he finds his soul mate and comes to understand all this for himself.
“Goodbye, Boston,” I say, my voice choking up a little, because as right as this decision is, it’s still hard to close a chapter of my life.
His lips flatten as he watches me with disbelief. But he doesn’t fight me on this. Instead, he nods. “I hope he can give you what you want.”
Boston Haynes walks out of my life for the second time. This time, though, I know with every fibre of my being that it’s the right thing for us. For me. My future is with Ashton. I have never been surer of anything in my life.
* * *
“You’re awake early,” I say when Ashton calls me just after 9:00 p.m. “I wasn’t expecting you for another hour or so.” It’s four in the morning where he is.
“I didn’t sleep well. Jack wasn’t good last night, and it’s been playing on my mind. Tell me about your day.”
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Jack, and I want to ask Ashton about him, but I get the feeling that’s not what he needs right now, so I leave that for another time. “Sienna and I went out for dinner. We planned a girls’ weekend next month. And then I came home and ate way too much chocolate.” I omit the part about Boston because I want to warm up to telling him that. We’ve only just gotten past the Cassia debacle, and while I know we still have things to discuss from our previous fight, I want to give us a little time and space to ease into that.
“Is there such a thing as too much chocolate?”
I smile. “This is why I love you. You understand chocolate the same way I do.”
“You only love me because of my chocolate addiction?”
My smile grows. I love it when Ashton is like this. “I didn’t know of this addiction of yours. I have to say I approve. What’s your favourite kind?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Leaning back against the pillows on my bed, I wiggle into a comfortable position. I’m hoping this is going to be a long conversation. “Well, there are a few other reasons why I love you, but chocolate has to move near the top of the list. I feel like you’ll understand and still love me when I’m older and my hips are carrying some of that chocolate.”
“Do you want to know what I love right now?”
“What?”
“The fact you’re already thinking about growing old with me.”
My tummy flutters. “I’m thinking about a lot of things where you’re concerned.”
“Switch to FaceTime. I need to see you.” The fun, flirty tone disappears from his voice, replaced with that bossy tone of his I love.