The Duke's Scottish Lass (Brethren of Stone 0.50)

Eliza looked at them. “She says she isn’t going to wed him.”

“Have you gone daft? Look at him,” Bridget huffed.

“And have you noticed the way he looks at her. What more could a woman want?” Alexa tossed her hands in the air as if that explained it all.

“He’s a rogue.” Delia waved her hand as if to dismiss it.

“Stone told me last night that he gave you a very honest and forthcoming explanation about his past.” Eliza sounded irritated. Like Delia was somehow missing the point.

“I don’t know about that. That is the part of a rogue’s charm, I would imagine. He’ll say anything to get what he wants.” It was Delia’s turn to sound annoyed. They wouldn’t understand and she didn’t want to explain it to them. How did one say I shouldn’t even be alive. I don’t deserve a man like him?

“You should give him a chance. At least find out,” Eliza pressed.

“What am I doing? I’m sitting here, aren’t I?” Delia’s fists clenched at her side. She was having a hard enough time fighting Roderick and Stone. She couldn’t possibly best Eliza as well.

But Eliza only responded with another cryptic statement. “Reginald wouldn’t have wanted you to keep punishing yourself. He’d want you to be happy.”

Delia felt the blood drain from her face. The day was suddenly too much. “Stop this,” she pleaded, her voice catching part way through the words.. “I do not want to discuss it further.” Standing, Delia walked down the benches. Tears were filling her eyes, and blindly she made her way from the training yard out of the castle gates.

How would Eliza know what Reginald would have wanted? She was doing this to honor him, wasn’t she?

She walked, not paying attention to where she was going. She just needed time alone to collect herself. She did not normally allow her emotions to best her. She didn’t realize she was returning to the very spot it had all happened until the cliffs came into view. It had been years since she had been here. Taking a deep breath, she slowed her pace. The wind tousled her hair, but she paid it no mind. The spot where the rock had dislodged was a deep pit in the bank of the cliff. She walked toward it until her feet were just inches from the edge. Slowly she looked down until she could just see the very ledge she had perched on, halfway down the rock face.

Her eyes welled with fresh tears as the edges of memories filled her thoughts. She’d carefully hidden those remembrances and she didn’t welcome them now. It hurt too much to think of how her brother had died.

In part, she was doing this to honor Reginald, but truthfully, she wanted to punish herself. She didn’t deserve to live while he perished trying to save her.

Two hands firmly wrapped around her waist. “Delia,” Roderick breathed. “What are you doing?”

The sound of his voice and the feel of his hands, jolted her from thoughts. She turned to look at him, his face taut as his gaze searched her own. Her body drifted closer to his until she found herself pressed against him, his heat and hard muscles bringing her a comfort she didn’t merit. “I haven’t been here since it happened,” she mumbled as she leaned her forehead against his chest. “Why him? Why not…” She didn’t finish but the words reverberated in her mind…why not me?

He squeezed her close, brushing her hair out of her face. “You’re all right,” he murmured.

Long minutes passed as neither of them spoke and she drained all her emotions out through her eyes. Finally, taking a shaky breath, she lifted her head. “You must think I’m mad or daft or both.”

“I think you’re neither,” he whispered close to her ear.

She gave a nod, wrapping her arms around his strong waist. Part of her wanted to explain why she couldn’t marry him. In this moment, her heart told her he would understand, but she couldn’t ruin the closeness they were sharing. She hadn’t been this connected to anyone since Reginald died.

That thought jolted her and she made to pull back but he held firm. “When you are ready, you can tell me all of it.”

“I can’t tell anyone.” Her lip trembled and tears once again pricked her eyes until one spilled over.

The pad of his thumb brushed it away. “You can tell me. There is nothing you can say that would change the way I feel.”

“I know you think that, but it isn’t true. Besides, telling you won’t change the way I feel.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Delia.”

“You couldn’t know that; it was my fault. I’ll never forgive myself and I don’t deserve—” She stopped the flood of words flowing out of her mouth.

“Reginald would have disagreed.”

“How can you say that—”

“Delia. I loved him like a brother. And I am telling you that I don’t blame you, your brothers don’t blame you, Reginald certainly did not blame you and would never have wanted you to suffer like this—”

“I blame me. I can’t just go on being happy while he is gone. It isn’t fair.”