“Stop.”
“Yes, just like that.”
“Stop, Enzo. Please.”
I freeze, staring at her mouth still tied up. She can’t talk. It’s not possible. But I know I heard her speak.
“Please.”
I open my eyes.
“Enzo,” Kai whispers in her sleep on the floor in her usual spot in the corner of my bedroom.
It was a dream.
My body is pressed against her as I hump her leg like a sixteen-year-old horny boy.
Shit.
I scurry away, shocked that I haven’t woken her up. I’m a sick, disgusting prick. My dream alone is reason why I can never touch her, or permit myself to fuck her even once. I’m not a good man.
I remember last night. How many secrets were revealed, and how many more are left to say.
She passed out so easily. At least this time I don’t think it was from exhaustion. She’s just a lightweight after not drinking alcohol for years and having lost so much weight.
But it gave me another excuse to carry her to bed. Well, the floor since she won’t sleep in a bed.
But I can’t even carry her anymore if this is the result—me humping her while dreaming of torturing her.
I’m sick.
I need to find a way to get her out of my life quickly before I do more damage than I’ve already done. She doesn’t deserve any more pain.
I stare down at her still sleeping body. She reaches out like she’s trying to grab something, but I’m no longer there for her to grab onto.
It’s for the better, Kai. You don’t want me. Maybe before, if we had fucked on that yacht before she was taken. No, she was too young then. She wasn’t ready to be fucked.
If she hadn’t been taken by a man as sadistic as I am, then maybe I would have a chance. She could learn to enjoy how twisted I am in bed. Many women before her have enjoyed my sick fantasies. But Kai never will. She’s been through too much. She will always see me as the same monsters as them.
Kai was a virgin. She’d never been with a man. Never even been kissed before I hurt her.
It makes me nauseous knowing her first time was with a man set on breaking her. And I was the catalyst to that happening. I’m the reason she isn’t still cleaning boats and stealing to make enough money to eat.
Either way her life would have sucked, but not as bad as now. I took her innocence and gave it to a man who didn’t deserve her.
And now she’s lost.
Destined to break beyond repair if I don’t get her away from me.
“Are we going to Surrender today?” she asks with big eyes.
I don’t know how
long she’s been awake, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t want her to come to the club with me. I can’t be around her. But I told her to come. She needs to heal; that’s my best plan for being able to leave her—by continuing to lie.
“Yes.”
She fidgets with her fingers.