Cruel Lies (Lies 4)

I hate him.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him!

Those words are a lie. I don’t hate him.

I love him.

But I will never say the words out loud. I’ll never allow myself to even think them again. The words are toxic and lead to nothing but pain.

I pull his arms tighter around my body, knowing that we are going to spend the rest of the night fucking—no, making love. Although, neither of us will use that word to describe this.

I can love him forever, but Langston can never know. I may be the devil, but the pain my loving him would cause is something I could never inflict on him. So I’ll keep lying until our marriage eventually dissolves—that’s the only way to not hurt him.

18

Langston

I leave Liesel snoring in bed. I don’t want to leave her, but I should check on Maxwell. And there is no room service in this hotel, so I have to venture out for coffee and breakfast anyway—and new clothes since ours are ripped. I don’t care if Maxwell lived or died last night; I just need to ensure that he’s still in the basement of the church and didn’t escape to go tell Corbin where we are. My need to protect Liesel and my kids trumps my ache to stay in bed with Liesel and watch her wake up in my arms.

The sun hasn’t even risen yet as I stomp the couple blocks over to the church in nothing but my jeans. We barely slept last night, and I want to get back to Liesel as soon as I can. Hopefully, she won’t wake up until I return.

My mind races with everything that happened last night. Every position we fucked in. Every sound she made each time she came. The way her thoughts spun between fear and something else that I couldn’t figure out.

The fear is what fucked me up the most. She’s afraid, terrified her demons will return with me like I’m sure they have with every other man she’s been with. Afraid of giving up control to me. Afraid I’ll fall in love with her and hurt her. That’s the one thing she’ll never have to worry about—I won’t be falling in love with Liesel Dunn.

When I get to the small church, I run down the stairs and find Maxwell right where I left him.

He groans and looks up at me.

“Did you have a good night?” I ask, leaning against the doorframe.

“Better than you did,” he says.

I laugh. “So you spent the night fucking the most beautiful woman in the world?”

He shakes his head. “No, but I didn’t spend the night fucking a woman I’m going to destroy.” He looks at me with a snarl. “I’m going to kill you if you hurt her.”

“Liesel isn’t yours to worry about. But don’t worry your pretty little head about her. I won’t be hurting Liesel.”

“Says the man who has threatened to kill her multiple times.”

I grind my teeth to keep from exploding on this man. He’s not worth it. It’s true that I’ve threatened to kill her, but I won’t anymore. She probably still deserves it, but I’m not as much of a monster as I used to be.

“I’ll be back,” I say, turning to go back up the stairs. I take my time in case he decides to beg—beg me to let him go, to give him something for the pain, give him food and water. He doesn’t beg. He’s tougher than he looks, but that won’t save him in the end.

I stop by two local shops. One for clothes, the other for coffee and picarones before I head back to our hotel room. When I get to the bedroom, I find it empty. My heart skips as I see the light on under the bathroom door.

She’s still here, I breathe out.

I knock my knuckles against the door. “Liesel, I have coffee and breakfast.”

She doesn’t answer back right away. There’s a rattling sound coming from the bathroom that I can’t quite make out.

“Liesel?” I ask again.

“One sec,” she says back.

I relax and start laying out the breakfast in the small nook while I wait. A moment later, Liesel appears in a white hotel robe. Her cheeks are flush, her hair wet, and a soft, knowing smile on her lips. All my fears disappear as soon as I see her.