Do I try talking?
Do I leave her alone?
Do we sit on the deck and breathe in the fresh air?
Do I kiss her?
Do I hug her?
What do I do?
We’ve been here before, in the depths of a darkness I never thought we’d dig ourselves out of. And we survived. But this time, it feels so different.
“I will do anything for you. Just tell me what to do,” I say.
She nods.
“Or maybe, write it down,” I jump up from where we are sitting on the top deck staring out into the starry night and dark blue sea below.
She grabs my wrist, stopping me from leaving.
There it is.
I sigh in relief.
The spark is back. It’s weak, so fucking weak, but I feel its trembles stirring in my body.
“I’ll stay,” I say, sitting back down next to her.
She continues to grip my wrist.
Maybe this is what I do. Just sit here with her. Until she’s ready.
“Fuck me, Enzo.”
My ears must not be working. I didn’t expect her to say that.
“I’m sorry, I think I misheard you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
I swallow down the shock as I stare into her eyes. I expect to see broken. I expect to see pain. I don’t expect to see clarity.
“Why? I mean…um…are you sure that’s what you really want right now? I can hold you. Or kiss you. Comfort you. We don’t have to—”
“Fuck me, Enzo.”
I will give her anything she wants, and there is nothing more I want to do than fuck her and remove any remnants of Milo from her body. But I’m not sure it’s the right move for her.
“Stop thinking and fuck me.” She kisses me, hard. Harder than all of our other kisses. And then, I’m no longer thinking. I just have this animalistic desire to be inside her.
And her kiss proves that’s what she needs too.
I grab her neck harder than I meant to, pulling her body onto my lap.
She’s wearing a T-shirt and baggy sweatpants I found in one of the cabins, while I’m wearing jeans and T-shirt. And I want all the clothes gone.
She moans into my lips, “Yes.”