Dirty Beginning (Dirty 0.50)

I walk to the door. He follows .

I open the door and stand in the doorway. “Thanks for the wine and — ”

His lips crash with mine before I can say anything. He’s promising more, I realize. With his tongue pushing further into my mouth, he’s demanding that I call him .

When we finally break away, my breathing is fast, much too fast. I touch my hands to my chest, trying to calm my breathing. I stare at him for a second longer before turning to leave without a word .

“Don’t run anymore. You’re stronger than you think .”

I pause at his words, but I don’t turn around. He doesn’t follow me or say anything else .

He’s left me his number to call. And I will. I’ll call. He knows it as well as I do .

I walk into the elevator alone. I touch my fingers to my lips that are still tingling from his kiss, a kiss I want more of. Maybe he’s the answer. He’s smart, probably a businessman. He’s older and responsible. There’s not a tattoo or piercing on his body—at least not one that I noticed .

What if I found someone capable of running the company on my own? What if I found my own love? Then, I could marry who I wanted while still making sure the company would be in good hands .

I just have to find a way to convince Granddad. I need to find a way to buy myself some time. And introducing Granddad to Killian might just be the way. I could show him that I am capable of dating strong, intelligent men .

Killian might not be the best choice, but right now, he’s my only choice. And, maybe, he might be the right choice .

I step foot back inside the Felton Grand. Even though I was just in the hotel earlier when I was with Killian, this is the first time since my father’s death that I’ve really let myself take in the casino. Before, I was busy focusing on the game. And after that, I just let Killian rush me to his room as fast as possible. Now, I’m walking slowly, taking in everything .

I notice the gentle calming sound of the expansive fountain at the entrance to the hotel. I see the light that twinkles off the water from the large crystal chandelier overhead .

I walk through the long hallways filled with shops and restaurants. The hallways are calm. It’s early, and only a few people have woken up to enjoy breakfast at one of the many restaurants. I smile as I look up and see the details of the arched ceiling overhead. When I was a kid, I used to lie on a bench in the hallway and just stare up at the beautiful ceiling .

I walk to the casino floor. I take a deep breath. I feel my father all around as I walk past the flashing lights of the slot machines. This is where my father spent most of his time—here on the floor of the casino, mingling with guests and making sure everything was running smoothly .

I walk off the casino floor to a door that says Employees Only . I flash my card in front of the door and watch as the light changes from red to green before I open the door. I enter and take the stairs up to the second floor .

I take a right and head down to my father’s office that is at the end of the long hallway. I take the key out of my pocket and unlock the door. I push it open, and the smell immediately overwhelms me. It smells like expensive cologne and cigarettes. It smells like my father .

I miss you , I think as I walk in and close the door behind me .

Tears fall fast as I make my way over to my favorite couch on one side of my father’s office. I let them. I cry. I let everything out. I let go of the pain. I let go of the guilt. I leg go of all of it. It all comes out .

When the fina

l bits of pain and guilt have washed away, all I’m left with is anxiety over speaking to Granddad. I begin pacing back and forth in the large office that was my father’s while I wait for my grandfather to arrive .

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this .

I try to keep my eyes on the ground instead of looking at the numerous things that remind me of my father .

I don’t have to look up to know that a picture of me and Dad is sitting on his desk. I was five, riding on his shoulders. There’s another of the whole family sitting right beside it .

I don’t have to look up to know the most comfortable couch on the planet is leaning against the far wall. I have fallen asleep on it countless times while reading a book, waiting for Dad to take me out to dinner .

I don’t have to look up to know a huge stack of every magazine I have been in is piled in the corner .

I don’t have to look up to know a picture of my first modeling job when I was twelve is in a frame on the wall .

Instead, I try to rehearse what I’m going to say when my grandfather gets here. Granddad, I love you and respect you, but I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions in the best interests of myself and this company. I’ve already found someone that I think would make a good candidate, and I would like you to meet him soon …

I keep repeating the speech I practiced all night, but my mind quickly goes back to Killian. I bite my lip, remembering how his lips felt on mine, how he pulled every emotion out of me. I tuck my hair behind my ear, remembering how his touch there sent shivers all over my body. My heart speeds up as I think about how I had the most explosive orgasm of my life with his tongue buried inside me .

I try to stop thinking about him, but I can’t. I haven’t called—yet. It’s only been a few hours since I saw him, but I have a feeling that I’ll be looking for something comforting after this meeting, and I will need someone to talk to. No, I’ll need someone to help me forget. I’ll text him this afternoon. It won’t hurt to ask if he is free .