Dirty Beginning (Dirty 0.50)

He pauses to take a bite while I continue shoving my own food in my mouth, trying my best to remain calm and poised, like I’ve been taught to do .

“I know that you modeled for Seventeen magazine along with a slew of other teenage magazines. You’re beautiful, but you don’t have the look to do anything for more mature clientele .”

I take another bite. I feel the tears welling again, but I hold them back. Do not cry .

“I know that you haven’t been on a date in three years. That’s why you needed a release last night. I know that you have never made one goddamn decision by yourself. You want to know how I know that? You texted your father every five fucking minutes, asking him for advice .”

A tear falls, just one single tear .

“I know because you are the reason that this has gotten this far. If you had stood up to your father before he died, you wouldn’t be getting forced into a marriage you didn’t want. And don’t tell me that you do want this. I know what you were running from last night. It’s this. You were running away from being forced into an arranged marriage !”

I wipe the tear from my eye. “Stop!” I say a little too loudly. I notice the stares from the table closest to us, and I try to adjust my voice to not bring any more attention to us. “Well, you were running, too! I don’t have to have studied everything about you for three years to know everything I need to know about you. You’re an arrogant, bossy ass. Everything in your life revolves around work. You don’t date because you don’t have any time to. You just find any woman you can at strange bars to pick up and take home for one night. And, worst of all, you must not be that good at your job if the only way you can get the CEO position you are so desperate for is to marry the previous CEO’s daughter. And the only reason they chose you and not someone more qualified is because you are the only man in an executive position who’s anywhere near my age,” I say, having no idea where those words came from. I’ve never been this outspoken in my entire life .

I stare at my now empty plate that I didn’t even realize I had been eating .

“Feel better now?” he asks calmly .

He stares at me, completely unaffected by my words, which just makes me even angrier .

“Yes,” I spout .

He eyes my plate. “Glad you liked the salmon .”

“I did not,” I say, acting like a defiant child. God, no wonder he thinks I’m like a child. I act like one. “I mean, it was okay .”

His bottom lip twitches in a smile .

“So, what do we do now? What’s your fabulous plan ?”

“My plan is for Lee to realize how valuable I am to the company—so valuable that he will want me to be CEO whether or not I marry his granddaughter. I already had Robert convinced. I can convince your grandfather, too .”

“That’s not going to work. They want the company to stay in the family .”

“That’s where you come in. You need to tell him that you are so devastated by your father’s death that you don’t want anything to do with the company. You don’t want it. You’ll marry someone else that your grandfather wants when you are older but not now. And, no matter what, you want nothing to do with the Felton Corporation. All you want is what you already have—plenty of money to live by .”

I stand up and throw my napkin on the table before I storm off. I’m so tired of listening to what other people tell me I should be doing. Killian doesn’t say a word and he doesn’t stop me from leaving the table .

I wander down the hallways of the largest casino and hotel in the Felton empire. It’s the original one, the one that started it all. This one isn’t my favorite though. My favorite, Crystal Waterfalls, is farther down on the strip. It has a river and a waterfall flowing through it. But Felton Grand has its charms, too. It’s flashy and brings the hustle and bustle of the city inside .

It could work. I know it could. I’m already devastated. I could convince Granddad that I’d lose my mind if I had to step foot inside one of the casinos again. But is that what I want? Is that what my father would have wanted for me? Did he really tell Killian he wanted him to run the company without marrying me? Don’t I want at least some small part of the company for myself ?

I try to think about what I want, but all I come up with is what I don’t want. I don’t want to marry Killian. At least, I don’t want to be forced into marrying him, especially now that I know he doesn’t want to marry me either .

I just don’t know what I do want. So, instead, I try to think about what my father would have wanted. Did he ever give any indication that he didn’t want me to marry Killian? Did he ever give me any clue of what he did want me to do ?

One memory pushes into my head. The memory used to seem so unimportant, but maybe it means more than I know .

“What does my princess want to be when she grows up ?”

I think for a minute as I put another block on top of the one my father placed. “A princess!” I shout .

He laughs. “Of course! You already are a princess. And when you’re old enough, I’ll make sure you have a castle and a whole empire to run, if you want it. But what else do you want to be ?”

My five-year-old self thinks harder this time. What else do I want to be, other than a princess? “I know! I want to be a CEOOOO, like you, Daddy !”

He smiles and thinks seriously for a second. “If that’s what you want someday, it’s yours. You can be anything you want, no matter what Granddad or I tell you .”

“Yay! I’m going to be a CEEEAAA, like you!” I squeal .