Dirty Beginning (Dirty 0.50)

Dad dying must have pushed her back to the alcohol. I don’t blame her. We all miss Dad. And we all deal with missing him in different ways. I just can’t handle the way she has chosen to deal with his death .

I glance at my phone. Her old therapist and AA sponsor should be here soon to help her since I can’t. I know from experience. I don’t have the patience to help her .

“I need the alcohol, damn it !”

I calmly walk over to my mother. “I’ll make sure to have someone pick you up some alcohol on their way in today. But, right now, I think you need to eat. Can I make you something ?”

She grabs the closest vase of flowers and slams it to the floor. I jump at the sound of the glass breaking on the floor. I don’t react to her tan

trum. Even though I’ve wanted to do the same thing to the stupid vases of flowers, I can’t show her that it’s okay .

“Hi, Mrs. Felton. Let me make you some breakfast,” Samantha, one of our cooks, says as she enters the kitchen, seeing the mess .

I go over and clean up the glass while Samantha has my mother’s attention .

When I’m finished, I whisper to Samantha, “Just keep an eye on her until Dennis and Kirsten get her. Half hour, max .”

She nods and smiles before going back to cooking my mother some pancakes. I walk out of the kitchen to the front door. I need to move out of here. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle .

“Where are you going?” Granddad asks as I try to leave .

“To the Felton Grand .”

He curiously looks at me even though it’s not that strange for me to go to the casino. I used to go all the time before I went off to college. It should be understandable that I would want to go mourn my father there .

“I’m sorry,” he says as he looks at me. For the first time since the funeral, I see tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry for blaming you. It’s not your fault. I need you to know that .”

I walk over and hug him. I know he needs me to forgive him for blaming me just as much as I need to stop blaming myself for my father’s death. But I’m not sure I can do either of those things yet. I’m not ready to forgive .

“I miss him,” is what I say instead .

“Me, too, sweetie. Me, too.” He gently rubs my back, like a grandfather should. “Do you want some company ?”

“No, I just want to spend some time by myself,” I lie .

I try not to look him in the eyes, so he won’t know that I’m lying, but somehow, he does. Everyone can always tell when I’m lying. It’s one of the reasons I would make a terrible actress .

I don’t want him to come with me though. I need some time to interact with everyone at the casino, to begin to form real relationships with them, to begin to understand how the business runs. That way, when I tell him that I want to run the company, I will have some ammunition to do it with .

Then, Granddad smiles, like he just realized something. I stare at him with a blank expression .

“Ah, you’re going to see Killian. That’s why you don’t want me to come with you .”

I blush at his words, bringing more truth to them in his eyes .

He smiles wider. “Have you fallen for that boy already ?”

“No, Granddad. I just need some time to myself .”

He nods knowingly. “Just let me know when he’s wrapped around your finger, so I can set the date .”

“Granddad!”

He just winks at me before heading into the kitchen to be with my mother. I sigh. But, at least, if he thinks I’m into Killian, he won’t think anything of me spending time at the casino in the upcoming days, which will come in handy since I plan on spending lots of time there. It’ll be enough time to make up my mind .

The only problem is, I haven’t been able to get Killian out of my head. Anytime I’m not missing my dad, I’m lusting after Killian. I miss the taste of his lips. I miss his hands on my body. I miss his tongue on my clit. I miss screaming his name when I come. Most of all, I miss that I never got to feel him inside me. And, now, I’m never going to .

I ’ve spent the last three hours sitting behind my father’s desk, reading anything that I can find that will catch me up on the direction of the company. The only problem is, I haven’t learned much. Most of the files that would be of any importance are locked away or on his computer, which is also locked .