Dirty Beginning (Dirty 0.50)

“But I didn’t. I didn’t find someone else. You ruined the only real relationship I ever had. You are just as bad as my father. You tried to control my life !”

He looks shocked. We both stop walking .

“That was never my intention. I just wanted you to be happy, and I know you weren’t happy with Eli .”

“How do you know if I was happy or not? What right did you have to decide anything for me ?”

“I know because you never smiled, not once the whole time you were around him, and you have smiled over a hundred times since you met me. I know because your eyes didn’t lust after Eli, like they lust after me.” He tucks a stray hair behind my ear. “I know because you are an amazing woman who deserves to be worshipped by the man she is with, and all Eli did that entire time was complain about how clingy and annoying you were .”

“I’m not clingy .”

“I know. Eli’s an idiot. You shouldn’t have dated him .”

“I know, but so are you .”

“You’re right. I’m an idiot, too. You should have dated someone else. You should have moved on after Eli .”

I shake my head. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t date when I knew it would never go anywhere, when I knew it would always leave me heartbroken, when I knew I was always meant to be with you…except I didn’t know who you were yet because you never told me .”

“I’m sorry .”

“I’m sorry, too. You shouldn’t be forced to marry me to get a position in the company you clearly deserve .”

He intensely stares at me, trying to understand what I’m saying, but I don’t know what I’m saying. I just want him to know that this situation is completely fucked up .

All I know is, I still want him .

I moisten my lips, begging for his lips to find mine. They do. His lips sink into mine as his hands go around my body. I moan against his lips .

I forget about being on a busy sidewalk on the strip. I forget about how mad at him I still am for lying to me. I forget about how mad I am at him for manipulating my life .

I just kiss and moan and beg .

His kiss is aggressive and hungry. He wants me as much as I want him. He needs this .

I don’t think about the fact that, in a few months, we could be walking down the aisle as man and wife, and having a one-night stand now could ruin it all. I don’t care. I just need him. I need to feel what it’s like to have a man burying himself deep inside me as we both come .

We finish walking back to the hotel, kissing along the way, before I realize that this is a bad idea. We can’t walk into the hotel, kissing and holding hands. Everyone who works in the casino will see us and start rumors. Those rumors will get back to my grandfather, and he will assume we have decided to marry when that couldn’t be further from the truth .

“Maybe we should go back to your place. I don’t want any of the staff to see us together .”

“This is my place.” He releases my hand as soon as we get close to the entrance. “No one will suspect if we go up to our rooms together. Our rooms are right next door to each other .”

“They are? Why do you live in a hotel room ?”

“I feel more at home here. And having a hotel room here lets me be closer to work. I’ve had enough emergency calls that I have had to attend to in the middle of the night that it’s just easier to already be here .”

I nod, understanding .

“Why do you live in a hotel when I know you have a home only a few minutes away?” he asks .

“I feel at home here. I’ve always felt at home in hotels more so than at home .”

Killian smiles. “Your father used to say the same thing .”

“Come on. This time, you take the stairs, and I’ll take the elevator .”

He laughs. “No, we will both take the elevator .”