“I can’t. She’s asleep.”
My heart stops. All my worst fears start flying through my head. That something happened to Amber. She committed suicide. She overdosed. She finally gave up.
“Okay, Sailor. I need to hang up a minute to call Grandma, and then I’ll call you right back, okay?”
“Okay.”
I reluctantly end the call and dial my mom’s number. I give her all the details, and she promises to call 911 and get over there ASAP. But I have to sit here, hopeless. Because I can fix everyone’s problems but my own family’s.
I shake my head. I can fix my family’s problems. I just can’t fix my own problems.
I pull up an airline website on my phone and book the next one home. I start walking back to my rental car when Carter ducks out of the building, grabbing on to me.
“I have to talk to you,” Carter says.
“I need to talk to you, too,” I say even though I don’t have time for this conversation. “But it needs to wait.”
Carter puts his finger to my lips. “No, it can’t wait. I need you to know how incredibly sorry I am. Both of those kisses back there meant nothing. I feel nothing for Lily. Not even the tiniest of sparks compared to what I feel with you.”
I smile weakly, trying to pretend I care about his words right now when all I can think about is Sailor and Amber.
“Are you listening to me? I want you, not Lily. I want you, Victoria. I’m sorry about all this mess, but I’m not really dating Lily. It’s all a lie. It’s all pretend. Lily understands that now. That all we will ever do is hold hands and pretend to be in love and occasionally kiss, although I will try to prevent that at all costs. That woman kisses like I imagine a lizard would.”
I zone him out. I can’t hear his words. Only focusing on the fact that my family needs me.
“Victoria?”
I don’t answer. I just think about if I have time to stop by Logan’s to pack or if I should go straight to the airport.
“Victoria?”
I probably should just go straight to the airport.
Carter grabs my neck and waist as he kisses me. I’m caught off guard, but he’s desperate to give me everything with this kiss, and slowly, I let him into my world of pain. I let him know how scared I am. As our tongues dance together, I tell him that I like him, too.
He slowly breaks away. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
I shake my head and stay in his arms for a second longer. If I tell him what’s going on, I’ll start crying, and then he’ll insist on coming with me. But he can’t. He needs to stay here, and I have to go.
“I just have to go. Tell Lily that I quit. That a family thing came up.”
And then I walk away from what I know is a man I could love with every fiber of my being. I just don’t know if he will still be waiting for me when I get back from fixing my family.
12
Carter
I should have run after Victoria.
I should have chased her down and forced her to talk to me. Or just followed her until she was ready to tell me what was going on.
But I didn’t.
I let her go. And, now, I don’t know what’s going on. Is this the end? Is she coming back?
The hug and kiss she gave me before she left sure didn’t feel like the end. It felt like the beginning. It felt like she needed me, but then she just left.
The door to the apartment opens, and I jump off the couch I’ve been sitting on most of the afternoon, waiting for Victoria to come back. All of her stuff is still here, so she must be coming back soon.