“I can’t. I can’t just go. Not without you—or at least, not without knowing I did everything I could to make it better.”
I shake my head. “You got me fired. At least six times. How do you recover from that?”
“With love. Lots and lots of love. Because this is what our life would be like together. Maybe not at this extreme level, but we like fighting; you said so yourself. You like fighting and arguing. I do, too. And I like making it up to you. I’ve heard makeup sex is pretty good, too.”
She scowls at me.
“Because you are my whole life. I quit my job today. I passed my company along to my number two, although I warned him that he would struggle to get a job as long as you were working. I’m giving up everything that I thought I ever wanted to have a chance at a life with you. I’ll stay home and cook and clean for you while you go out and live your dreams. I’ll take care of your family. I’ll take care of you. I’ll help you fix your life, like you fixed mine.”
She doesn’t breathe.
“I hope you’ve gotten all of my apologies, but I have two apologies left that I need to say in person. One, I need to apologize for making you think I was going to ask you to prom in high school and then asking Lily instead. I ended your relationship with Mark before it started and then prevented you from having a chance at another relationship by starting that nasty rumor. I’m so sorry. If I had listened to my heart, I would have taken you to prom instead of Lily. But I was scared. Lily was easy, she wasn’t real love. But I knew that I could really love you.
“And two, I need to apologize for what I put your family through by getting you fired. They relied on you, and I hurt them. I’ve already apologized to them, but I will continue to apologize to them over and over again until I make it up to them.”
She bites her lip and I know I’m starting to break through her walls.
“How am I doing?”
“Pretty good,” she says in almost a whisper.
I can’t hold back any longer, I grab her hands and hold her as close to me as possible, while I lean over the table and kiss her. I expect her to pull away. Slap me maybe. Instead, she kisses me back. It’s a desperate kiss full of hope and need. Our lips crash hard together and our tongues dance together like they’ve never been apart.
It feels right kissing her.
Slowly we stop, but we don’t stop holding hands.
“I’m so
sorry, Victoria. Please, let me spend the rest of my life attempting to make it up to you.”
“I can’t marry you.”
My heart stops.
“I’m pregnant,” she says and for the first time, I see the difference in her that I couldn’t figure out before. Her breasts are larger, her face fuller, and I can finally see a bit of her belly protruding out as I glance over the table.
I wanted her to move on with her life while I was gone. I wanted her to be happy. She did that. And now, she’s having another man’s baby.
Anguish doesn’t even begin to touch what I’m feeling. Sadness. Desperation. Depression. Disappointment. Fear. Guilt. Frustration. None of the words fully cover what I’m feeling.
Hurt. I’m beyond hurt.
“Congratulations,” I finally say, because it’s what I should say. I should be happy for her. I want to ask who the father is, but I can’t get the words to leave my mouth. It is also clear now why she gave Lily the idea to pretend she was pregnant. Because she, herself, was pregnant.
I want to scream that this can’t be happening. She can’t have another man’s baby. She should be having mine.
I grab the ring that is still lying on the table untouched and hold it out to her. “I want you Victoria. All of you. I want your family. Your baby. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I want to spend it taking care of you and your family. I would love to do it as your husband. But I’ll take it as your friend. Or if you won’t let me back into my life then just know that I will always be looking out for you. Even if it has to be from afar.”
She stares down at the ring. “You hurt me, Carter. You’re the only person who has truly been able to hurt me.”
I watch the tears starting in her eyes. “I thought that by becoming heartless, like I thought you were, would make me feel better. I thought it would make me be able to protect my heart more and, in turn, my family. But sitting here now looking at you, my heart still hates you and loves you in equal parts.”
“I’ll take the hate, as long as I can take the love part too.”
She wipes a tear off her cheek. “Can you forgive me?”
I raise an eyebrow and smile. “You don’t have anything for me to forgive you for. I deserved everything that you dolled out to me in regards to Lily.”