I walk over and hug him. I know he needs me to forgive him for blaming me just as much as I need to stop blaming myself for my father’s death. But I’m not sure I can do either of those things yet. I’m not ready to forgive.
“I miss him,” is what I say instead.
“Me, too, sweetie. Me, too.” He gently rubs my back, like a grandfather should. “Do you want some company?”
“No, I just want to spend some time by myself,” I lie.
I try not to look him in the eyes, so he won’t know that I’m lying, but somehow, he does. Everyone can always tell when I’m lying. It’s one of the reasons I would make a terrible actress.
I don’t want him to come with me though. I need some time to interact with everyone at the casino, to begin to form real relationships with them, to begin to understand how the business runs. That way, when I tell him that I want to run the company, I will have some ammunition to do it with.
Then, Granddad smiles, like he just realized something. I stare at him with a blank expression.
“Ah, you’re going to see Killian. That’s why you don’t want me to come with you.”
I blush at his words, bringing more truth to them in his eyes.
He smiles wider. “Have you fallen for that boy already?”
“No, Granddad. I just need some time to myself.”
He nods knowingly. “Just let me know when he’s wrapped around your finger, so I can set the date.”
“Granddad!”
He just winks at me before heading into the kitchen to be with my mother. I sigh. But, at least, if he thinks I’m into Killian, he won’t think anything of me spending time at the casino in the upcoming days, which will come in handy since I plan on spending lots of time there. It’ll be enough time to make up my mind.
The only problem is, I haven’t been able to get Killian out of my head. Anytime I’m not missing my dad, I’m lusting after Killian. I miss the taste of his lips. I miss his hands on my body. I miss his tongue on my clit. I miss screaming his name when I come. Most of all, I miss that I never got to feel him inside me. And, now, I’m never going to.
I’ve spent the last three hours sitting behind my father’s desk, reading anything that I can find that will catch me up on the direction of the company. The only problem is, I haven’t learned much. Most of the files that would be of any importance are locked away or on his computer, which is also locked.
There are a couple of reports that show decreasing sales in two casinos, but when I look at the numbers, it’s easy to see the wrong figures have been plotted. With just a few changes, the reports would show that the casinos had been increasing in sales from month to month. At least, that’s what makes sense to me, but maybe I’m missing something.
I sigh when I look through the last piece of paper that has anything to do with the company. I just wasted three hours and am no better off for it. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do this, not unless I find the key to my father’s filing cabinets or his password for his computer.
Granddad would know, but I ca
n’t ask him. I guess I’ll just have to learn about the company elsewhere. I just don’t know how. That’s probably why I’ve been hiding out in my father’s office for the last few hours.
I get up from the desk and poke my head into the hallway. It seems relatively empty for a Thursday. I’m surprised no one has come into my father’s office all morning. It’s probably because everyone is too sad to think of him as gone. I know everyone loved him. He was a great boss, a great friend, a great husband, and a great father. At least, that’s what the minister said at his funeral. I choose to believe that.
I step into the hallway and start walking. I don’t know where I’m going. I just go.
“Hi, Ms. Felton.”
“Tony,” I say before hugging the man who is practically a member of the family. He always seemed like a brother to my father.
“How are you doing?” he asks the token question.
“I’m holding up.”
“You visiting your father’s office?” He nods in the direction of the office.
I nod.
“I haven’t built up the courage to go in there yet. When I do, I know I’ll end up crying like a weepy old man.”
I smile. “We can’t have that.”