Dirty Addiction (Dirty 2)

I see the shock on Killian’s and Grant’s faces, but they both push their chips in. Grant flips the last card, and then I flip my cards over, despite it being out of turn.

“Royal flush.” I glance right and then left when they both flip over their cards—a full house and a straight. “I win.”

I push my chair back and get up. I walk out without a word. I can’t breathe as I run down the hallway. , so I run down the stairs of the hotel building. I need to be moving. I need to get away from Killian.

If it wasn’t for him, I could still be with Eli. I could have chosen my own love, my own future. Instead, Killian convinced Eli to break up with me. Instead, he chose my future for me.

The air outside is warm and just as stifling as it was inside the hotel room. I begin the long walk back to my hotel—alone. I could call a car to pick me up, but I don’t. I prefer to be alone.

I make it a few steps before I look up and see Killian standing on the sidewalk, waiting for me. Damn it!

The elevators must be faster than climbing down five flights of stairs in heels. I can’t walk around him. I can’t avoid him. So, I just walk to him.

“What just happened?” he asks.

“Nothing. Just we’re done. I don’t want to be friends. I definitely don’t want to marry you. And I don’t want your help. I just want to go back to being nothing.”

I begin walking again, and he falls in step next to me. He doesn’t say a word for an entire block. He doesn’t touch me either even though my body is begging for him to.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”

I glare at him. “What is the truth?”

“The story I just told you is the truth. I was giving a presentation to a class at Yale. I knew Eli a little bit from my past, not enough to really have lunch with him, but then the opportunity came up, and I took it. I knew from your father that you were dating him. I just wanted to learn more about you, to see if you were happy with Eli. If you were, I wouldn’t approach you. I wouldn’t say anything to Eli about your father’s arrangement with me. But if you weren’t happy…well, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.

“When you came into that restaurant that day, you looked sad, withdrawn. Even when you kissed him, it wasn’t a kiss of passion. I couldn’t let you waste the only few years of freedom you had left on that douche bag. So, I told him the truth. Well, I told him that you and I were already engaged, and no matter what he did, you would never marry him.”

“He broke up with me that night because of you.” My face is fuming bright red.

“I only did it to help you find someone who would make you happy. I thought, if you were away from him, you would find someone else.”

“But I didn’t. I didn’t find someone else. You ruined the only real relationship I ever had. You are just as bad as my father. You tried to control my life!”

He looks shocked. We both stop walking.

“That was never my intention. I just wanted you to be happy, and I know you weren’t happy with Eli.”

“How do you know if I was happy or not? What right did you have to decide anything for me?”

“I know because you never smiled, not once the whole time you were around him, and you have smiled over a hundred times since you met me. I know because your eyes didn’t lust after Eli, like they lust after me.” He tucks a stray hair behind my ear. “I know because you are an amazing woman who deserves to be worshipped by the man she is with, and all Eli did that entire time was complain about how clingy and annoying you were.”

“I’m not clingy.”

“I know. Eli’s an idiot. You shouldn’t have dated him.”

“I know, but so are you.”

“You’re right. I’m an idiot, too. You should have dated someone else. You should have moved on after Eli.”

I shake my head. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t date when I knew it would never go anywhere, when I knew it would always leave me heartbroken, when I knew I was always meant to be with you…except I didn’t know who you were yet because you never told me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. You shouldn’t be forced to marry me to get a position in the company you clearly deserve.”

He intensely stares at me, trying to understand what I’m saying, but I don’t know what I’m saying. I just want him to know that this situation is completely fucked up.

All I know is, I still want him.