“Then, why do you look like complete shit? I know it’s not because you gave two shits about my father. And you sure as hell don’t care about what happens to Granddad.”
“Wow. Someone has finally grown a pair.” She takes a sip of her coffee before staring off into space.
I think the conversation is over, that this is all I’m going to get from her. She’s drunk. There is no other word to describe her state.
“I loved your father very much, more than even he knew.”
“You don’t need to lie to me. Granddad told me. He told me the truth—that the only reason you got married was because it benefited the company and your pocketbook.”
Her eyes meet mine, but I don’t expect to see the pain in them.
“You have no idea what you are talking about. I loved your father very much. Yes, our marriage was arranged, but it was arranged because I loved him, and it was the only way to get your father to notice me instead of being stuck in his career. The opportunity arose, and I took it.”
She takes a deep breath. “Don’t you dare accuse me of not loving your father. I gave up everything for that man. I never wanted children. Did he tell you that? I never, ever wanted fucking children. But I had one for him. He wanted children, someone to pass on his precious company to. So, I had one.
“I wanted to move out of this godforsaken place. I wanted to move somewhere with a beach, but I never did. I stayed with your father, even when he stayed late night after night
at hotel after hotel blaming it on work. I knew what he was doing. I loved him, even when he didn’t love me back.”
Tears are streaming down her face. “I loved him, even when he was loving other women.” A sob escapes, and she takes a minute to just let it out of her whole body.
“Don’t you dare accuse me of not loving that man. I loved him desperately and without asking for love in return. It tears me apart to think that one of the only remaining links I have left to that love might be dying on the operating table.” She glares at me. “And the other is about to make the biggest mistake of her life.”
I take a deep breath, trying to take it all in, but it’s a lot to take in. She accused my father of not loving her, of cheating on her. I don’t want to think about it. I’ve always loved my father. I don’t want to know if what she said is right. I can’t know.
“What do you mean, I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life? I thought I already did that five years ago.”
She laughs. “What you did wasn’t a mistake. I know I told you time after time that it was. I know I blamed you for my failed marriage. I blamed you because it was easier to blame you than myself. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I should never have agreed to marry your father. It was the worst mistake of my life. I ruined my life forever when I said, ‘I do.’ I can’t get back the last twenty-five years. They are gone. I don’t even know if I can figure out how to live again for another twenty-five years.”
She stands from her chair, surprisingly steady on her feet. “Don’t make my mistake. Don’t marry that boy. I’d pull the trigger before I made that decision again.”
My mother scares me with her words. I’ve never heard her talk like this.
I watch her walk toward the restroom, and then I stand and follow her. I’m afraid to leave her alone after she basically told me that I should kill myself rather than marry Killian.
I stand outside the restroom as I text Scarlett. I ask her to meet us at the hospital. I tell her that I’m worried about my mother’s mental state and that I need someone to stay with her twenty-four/seven for a while. I know I will owe Scarlett big time for doing this for me, but I don’t care. It will be worth it. There is no way in hell I can spend the next few days watching my mother.
I’m not sure I believe a word that came out of my mother’s mouth. I never have. Our relationship is too far gone to be repaired.
When Scarlett texts that she will be here in the next half hour, I sigh in relief. I just have to watch my mother for a half hour. Then, I can move on to more important things. Then, I can go back to praying like hell that my grandfather lives.
I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“I brought you some coffee and breakfast.”
I rub my eyes before glancing up at Killian. I take the coffee and breakfast sandwich he brought me before I glance back to my grandfather’s hospital bed. He made it through the open-heart surgery, but he still hasn’t opened his eyes yet.
I unwrap the sandwich and find a bacon and egg sandwich. I take a bite, letting the greasy goodness dissolve in my mouth. I glance at the clock on my phone. It’s seven a.m. We’ve been here all night.
“You should go home, Killian. You need to get some rest. You’ve been a great help, but there is nothing else you can do. We just have to wait until he wakes up.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I sigh and take another bite of my food.
He really has been amazing. He was able to fill out the insurance information without any help. He helped get my mother into Scarlett’s car last night. He kept me fed all night. He found some clothes from the gift shop so that I could change out of the ballgown I had been wearing. He found me a blanket and pillow, so I could get some sleep. He’s been by my side the entire night—taking care of me, holding my hand, doing anything I needed without ever asking what I needed. He just knew. He knew better than I did.
I don’t ask him again to leave. In fact, I like having him here.